Ep1 - "Perspectives and Etiquette for First-Time Play Partiers" with Linworth

Ep1 - "Perspectives and Etiquette for First-Time Play Partiers" with Linworth

Thinking of going to your first play party?  You’ve seen images on social media and have your hopes for what that first experience might look like, but what can you really expect, and how the hell are you supposed to act?  We’ll start with an intro to play party etiquette, exploring the social “norms” of how to interact with others, how to watch and participate in scenes, and other general concepts to help prepare you for a stress-free, fun, and hopefully sexy time. 

Linworth (they/them) came to the scene as an anthropology student, stumbling into the Ohio Leather and kink realm.  Since then, as anthropologists would say, they have gone completely native, adopting the kink lifestyle as their own.  After more than a handful of years, they have settled into their main kink of rope bondage, with the occasional bout of sadomasochism.  While normally the shy type, their passion for education brings out their spunky side.  

• Fetlife.com/Linworth
• Facebook.com/Lin.Worth.3
• Instagram.com/Linworth_Rope
• X.com/Linworth_Rope

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SINagogue hosts and guests are subject matter experts but not *the* expert. We believe outside of violating consent, there's no wrong way to kink except to think your way is the only way. The show is presented from a RACK (Risk-Aware Consentual Kink) point of view, not SSC (Safe Sane Consentual) because each person’s definition of safe is different based on their risk profile. Use of the word "safe" on the show fits our definition, and that doesn't have to be your definition. 

Reminder, we try to make our content as inclusive as possible regardless of gender, orientation, role in the lifestyle, etc., but we do inherently speak from our own point of view. We want to learn from our mistakes. If you feel like we said something offensive, let us know. Reach out via our website or call us at 469-269-0403.

Today’s show was brought to you in part by the letters S and M, and the Number 69. 

*San Dimas High School Football Rules*

Transcript

Hosting with me today is my partner, my ADHD squirrel ringler, my submissive, my brat, my little, my pony, or just my little pony.

The Robin to my Batman, lilbit.

Hello everyone.

This is episode number one and with us today is Linworth to talk about the topic of attending your first play party.

So you're thinking of going to your first play party.

You've seen images on social media.

Have your hopes for what that first experience might look like, but what can you really expect, and how the hell are you supposed to act?

We'll start by talking about play party etiquette, exploring the social norms of how to interact with others, how to watch and participate in scenes, and other general concepts to help you prepare for a stress-free, free, fun, and hopefully sexy time.

Then we'll discuss what attendees might hope for from their first experience, but first, a word from our sponsor.

Linworth, they then originally came from the scene as an anthropology student stumbling into the Ohio letter and kink around. Since then, as anthropologist would say, they have gone completely native, adopting the kink lifestyle as their own.

After more than a handful of years, they have settled into their main kink of rope bondage with the occasional bout of sadomasochism.

One normally the shy type, their passion for education brings out their spunky side. Whether teaching on consent, culture, rope, or the safe practice of all things kinky, they bring a sense of charm and excitement to the classroom.

They are also a proud organizer and volunteer-based in Columbus, Ohio, who, on occasion, makes it further afield given the chance to gladly talk your ear off about all the projects they're currently working on to better the community.

Thank you for being here in the synagogue, Linworth.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you so much for having me, and thank you for the intro. Glad to be here with you all today.

Not a problem, so I thought attending your first play party would be a great topic for our first podcast.

Tell us about it.

Sure, so this topic originally was a blog that I just made up and put in a few places including my fat life profile.

I turned it into a class, and I'll go ahead and put in a plug here. There is an organization that I've been volunteering with and doing other things for here in Columbus, Ohio, called Wicked Eden.

It's backed by a nonprofit, the Autonomy Project.

And yes, this is a class that I talk for them.

So yeah, you can check that out. I, as you mentioned, Rabbi was an anthropology minor in undergrad in. My main research work that I did for that was cultural anthropology.

So, the class is largely written through that lens. So I don't know what more can I tell you here?

Well, for our listeners who haven't attended a play party, how can you prepare for it?

Oh, my goodness. So I would say more than anything, going with an open mind.

You may have seen or heard things about what a play party looks like.

It's more than a sex party. It's more than people that are going to just be, you know, wailing on each other with whatever implement.

It is a cultural experience. And so I would say when you're going into a play party, you just know that this experience is going to be unlike anything you've probably been in our society at large.

It's an as accepting of some of the kink behaviors that you're going to see.

I set the class up by talking about the definition of culture. And the way I like to think of it is as a set of sharing values, beliefs, norms, behaviors, and customs that shape the way people interact, make decisions and work together.

And so bow in knowing that there are going to be, quote-unquote, social norms, but that these norms are subjective and flexible to the situation that you are in.

So there are like, there are concepts to think about or.

So, going into your first play party, I would consider introductions. In most cases, you're going to be keeping it super casual. I know the pressure.

If someone wants to engage, you'll pick up on that. And if it becomes a conversation, great. If not, that's cool. A lot is going on. And that's not on you.

And I just know that conversations can be fleeting in these environments. And that's totally okay. Also, not every introduction or conversation going to lead to a connection or play.

In fact, I would encourage folks at their first play parties, probably holding off on bringing up the idea of play until you get to know someone.

This is a relationship-building exercise as much as it is in any other environment.

There are some exceptions to what I would call casual. And that would be high protocol for individuals not really familiar with high protocol.

Those can be seen in MS or master's slave or dominant-submissive type events.

For people in a submissive headspace who are in a service space, they will be very focused on what it is they're doing as an active service for the person that they would say report up to.

And so, I would consider asking that person for a person before interacting or just being hands-off.

So, Rabbi, there are some culture ideas sprinkled in here that not everyone might be familiar with. And I did my best for this. There anything there that I can extrapolate on.

I think people want to know how do you know if this person is in service headspace.

There is a good question. Oftentimes you don't. And so, that's a tricky one. So, if they're wearing a collar, if they're not making eye contact with you or are avoiding eye contact with you, if they're not speaking with you, there is a good chance that they may be in service.

There are other scenarios as well, but this is a really good clue as to that is a thing that's going on.

Yeah, also, they might just correct you or give you a gentle edge that, hey, I'm busy right now.

Hopefully, they are being that dependent with you, gentle nature, paying the person to speak with first versus you know, being those intense people that would sometimes kind of grasp.

Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. Gentle nudges are always appreciated in an easy scenario.

I guess to go on about introductions. Most spaces nowadays support or encourage the use of pronouns and introductions. If they don't, I would consider whether that is the right place for you.

And finally, I would consider introducing yourself to the organizers. They're people, too. They love hearing from their attendees and, especially when it involves a thank you for their hard work of putting together a party for you to enjoy.

Before upon arrival to a party, familiarize yourself with rules, particular to the party in venue. There are some standards, but also variations depending upon the local or geographic region.

The subculture of the party is taking place in, whether it's a private or public party, whether it's play or education oriented is another way of looking at how things might vary.

I would say that private parties, such as house parties can be a little bit more laid back with less defined rules.

If you are at a private play party, you've probably been vetted or checked out as somebody who can be trusted to operate with good judgment in this atmosphere.

So I mentioned that rules can be affected by a locale or geographic region. When you're looking at your rules, you might see some things that seem a little bit strange and that could be impacted by a local law.

As an example here in Columbus, Ohio, we're included in Franklin County law and the breaking of skin is not allowed at a lot of events.

This is tied actually to laws around licensure for piercing and tattooing. And so at a public pay-lap party, that's not something that you can do legally.

Private play parties, or member only events, is a little bit of a big old room.

I guess I would say with anything in kink that privacy is paramount, as part of that looking into whether phones are allowed to be out and the reason is that those have cameras on them.

When I first entered this scene, we didn't have to worry about that as much, but now that there are cameras and marches, anything that you can take photos with.

And if those photos were to get out, it could threaten people's livelihoods, their interpersonal relationships.

Sometimes rules are tied to that sort of thing. And again, just check out the house rules before you go in and again when you're at the party.

And when some parts of the country, they just won't like any electronic devices in for fear that it has a camera.

Exactly. I was thinking earlier today of a news reporter that went into a kink party out of the OA in Detroit many years ago.

And then, just before camera phones, they had a button, so none to their shirt that had a teeny tiny camera, ruined people's lives.

And part of that is the kink community, very much like the LGBTQ community, but also very different, does have a history of persecution by law enforcement.

So there are sections of the community that are very old school and not allowing, as you said, electronics at all into their spaces.

There are spaces where photography is encouraged, actually. I would say that in both bondage circles, it's pretty encouraged just due to the highly aesthetic nature of this form of kink.

However, consent is key and this is something that I'll touch on a lot as we talk here consent for getting anyone in the frame or the lens before you take a photo is something that you want to be very mindful of.

Anything to bounce off of with electronics privacy, stumbling that.

I know at some play parties, they will give you different color wristbands to indicate if you're okay with getting your picture taken some don't do that kind of thing.

I was going to say that besides that like, some play parties may have a designated photo area, but I don't know if you have that experience.

So, designated photo area for different things or speaking with a dungeon monitor or the person in the who's running the party to see if, you know, hey, can we get few people out of the scene so that we can.

Take a photo of whatever it is, that's it.

I don't know that I run into that particular scenario. Still, dungeon monitors, play space monitors, and the folks looking after the space and everyone's safety.

Definitely someone that you can tap. I have seen photo booths at parties, more so about conventions, but that's a really good point as well as the wristband.

That is signaling to people that you're okay to have your photo taken. Those are really good things to remember. Thank you.

Now you mentioned some things vary by local laws and can you give us like the most typical examples of what those variations are because of laws.

So, there was the Franklin County law. I would say that exposure is a big example and then sex and how is sex defined to think about exposure.

That wouldn't be like how much of the breast is covered or the genitals covered, that sort of thing.

In Wayne County, Michigan, 50% of the breast has to be covered at all times at more public events.

And then sex and how sex is defined is a really interesting one when it comes to the law.

We are in a very, you know, Puritan origin story country.

In most states, sex and public spaces, not allowed. I mean, I would venture that's probably not a thing in many places.

And so definitely checking the rules that will vary based on is this a pre-vetted event or is it one you can just buy a ticket at the door.

It's going to vary a lot by state and event.

I mean, I would throw fire on that list. That seems to vary a lot.

Yes, that's a good one too.

Yeah, that's from where we've been to different areas where some regions or actually regions prefer you laying down, but then there's some places that they prefer fire play upright.

Well, that's interesting. I've never seen that.

Well, I was referring more to if fire play has allowed at all.

Well, that's cool. I learned something new today.

You were also talking about varying degrees of nudity and varying degrees of definition of what's considered sex and anything like that.

I know some places that they limit as to what type of penetration is allowed versus not.

(Or if penetration was allowed). Yes, that is also what I mean.

Yes, I think that's an interesting thing because it can be not only dictated by the law, but also the sensibilities of the people hosting.

And that's when we get into some really interesting like where does this idea come from in this subculture.

I mean, one of the big myths out there about BDSM is that it is always about sex and that just isn't the case and some people really frown on mixing sex with kink.

And some people are, you know, why would you do kink without the sex? And that's sometimes reflected in parties and their rules.

Totally. And I feel like additionally there are some areas of kink where sex has been removed due to a history of people explaining people.

The rope scene is a really good example of that. It's all really fascinating if you think about like where is this coming from in different communities.

So that actually would dovetail into another thing I like to talk about when you're considering going to your first event or a play party.

And that is what I would consider a universal rule. That's what I would consider a universal rule. The ethics of kink consent.

So there are people that could do standalone classes, conversations for days and days, but that's not what this particular podcast is about.

To give some clip notes as it has to do with going to your first play party, I would say just don't touch without consent. That includes people whether that be play or casual touch like a hug.

You want to ask first.

Consent is ongoing. So anytime say, hey, can I give you a hug? Have your second play party you see someone at?

Make sure that consent is enthusiastic. People aren't humming and hawing that they are into it.

I would also say for the no touching without consent that includes objects that people bring with them to parties such as toys, rope, maybe furniture if they decided to look that along.

The overall idea is just don't be a dick.

Consent is key to everything that we do, especially in kink where we're doing super highly charged things.

So for the people who just wondered into this podcast, how do you find your first play party?

Ooh, that's a good question. So when I started, and this isn't immediately answering the question, but when I first started, I found kink community through Yahoo groups.

If anyone remembers Yahoo groups, that's how I found it.

Eventually, Fetlife came along and this was the first real outlet for social media, including posting of events that I am aware of.

That might have been different in bigger metropolitan areas, but for someone in Ohio, that's what we had.

So I would say Fetlife is a really good place for finding events. More and more as cultural acceptability of kink becomes a pain.

Facebook is a place where some of the more, I don't know, vanilla flavored or vanilla masked events.

You can find those, I would say Instagram as well, if you're first, first, first going out and finding events to go to.

As you continue to explore the community and make connections, you'll start hearing about other things as well, or if you're a mouth, but yeah, social media for better or worse is where you can start to find things.

But also sex drops. I'm pretty sure the first convention that I ever saw, or heard of rather, was from a hand flyer at a store that no longer exists here in Columbus, that sold BDSM goods.

And this is like baby-lid-war kinkster going to a sex store, being titillated by the fact that there are colors.

And yeah, so sex drawers, you'll see flyers and stuff too.

So what would you say to the person who is ready to go to their first party and they're just a ball of nerves? How would you calm them down?

How would I calm them down? Be present. Just let this experience wash over you. It's not going to be like anything you've necessarily been to before.

Let go of preconceptions. Don't pressure yourself to have any particular experience. Just be your authentic self, honestly.

By authentic self, I mean just being true to who it is that you are. Kink spaces are amazing places to experience once authentic self.

And explore things that you can't really explore elsewhere or maybe start to explore them even if they're an idea.

So just relit at your first play party. Be present and interact at whatever level it is that comes up.

And you should never feel pressured to play. There is no requirement to do that when you go, you can go and just watch, right?

Yes indeed. And I mean there are pieces of guidance for even just watching. I would say when it comes to that whole play party etiquette thing.

But I do want to circle back and say, yeah, you don't need to play. If someone approaches you to play and you don't feel enthusiastic about it, then don't.

Just be present and observe. Talk to people if you want to. That sort of thing.

Watching scenes does have etiquette as well. I'll go ahead and say that there are a few definitions of scenes.

One would be a local community, for example, the Columbus, Ohio scene. Another would be the culture at large, for example, the BDSM scene or the leather scene.

And then the third, which is what I am talking about when I say watching a scene is a set time and space in which a number of people most often to agree to interact in a particular manner.

And this is what play parties by and large are a container for is a number of scenes going on between the attendees.

This is probably what you've seen snippets of in pop culture, maybe not happening in a party itself. But like this is where rubber hits the road with people doing their thing with cake.

So I guess when it comes to etiquette, I would say that scenes involve only the parties that negotiated that scene.

So unless you've been invited, don't enter. This would include not touching, asking participants questions or not asking questions because that would be interrupted, not making loud commentary or stepping into a scene's physical space.

Sometimes you might see a group scene. Those people negotiated in advance. This is not a free for all you to jump in on.

So just being mindful only the parties that negotiated that scene in advance are supposed to be participating.

I mentioned physical space as something to be mindful of. That would include the backswing of floggers or whips walking under a rope hard point or the theme people are literally suspending their bodies off of.

I would watch for and think about the potential movement going on around a scene, stay out of that and then add another five or eight feet. Also just keeping in mind, giving personal space, not hovering, not being creepy and staring. This is an etiquette thing, right?

There are transition times into an after scenes. So entering and coming out of what I would call headspace or the mind space that people are inhabiting during a scene, some people know this is subspace but that's only one side of the equation tops will often times be in the headspace of their home.

Also being mindful of aftercare, that's the care that people provide to each other after scenes. You don't want to interrupt that because it's an integral part to the process. People are very vulnerable in that time.

They've just been through in ordeal of were an experience of some sort together and you want to be a perspective of that.

So you've used the phrase enthusiastic consent a few times. Can you explain what that means just beyond consent?

Sure. So you might not actually be able to help me out with this a little bit. But when I say enthusiastic consent, I mean that people are understanding of the scenario that they are about to go into and agreeing to it wholeheartedly. How would you add to that?

Yeah, it's agreeing wholeheartedly not being coaxed into it, not being object if you don't like this. It is yes, I want to do this. I really want to do this.

Not informed consent. We're going to be doing this.

Or you want to yes, not meh and share I suppose. Yeah, sure. I suppose it's not very clear.

I agree. I feel like coerced is a good word for the opposite of enthusiastic. There are other ideas to kind of pick up right there. Those are the ideas of implicit agreements or implicit dynamics.

Sometimes someone new to the scene might feel that they need to agree to do a thing with someone more experienced because of implicit dynamics or like this person knows better than me. I better just go ahead.

That is not enthusiastic consent.

It's doing this activity with this person at this time and I am all on board for it.

Exactly. So yes, it's a good thing.

So I had a quick question.

You had talked about like, you know, any person coming in and not touching different things and such like that.

Would you actually recommend for a new person going to a, well, I guess, their first time play party. If there was the option of class or somebody who is offering demos to try something, would you encourage that person to go for a play party that offers that?

Oh, yes. I think those are the best ones to go to. A lot of play parties will start out with some sort of educational, like a class or a demo.

And sometimes those folks will be around even during the party itself to show you things as well.

I would also say as long as people aren't participating in scenes or doing aftercare or whatever, most folks are happy to answer questions about what it is you witnessed as long as you're respectful.

Yes, just because I'm saying like, don't touch, don't interrupt. Doesn't mean that you can't interact with people outside of those set times and spaces, especially educators.

There are, there are also some parties that are demo nights or they're called exploratorium some places with tapas where it's just a party and there are a bunch of experienced tops who are doing as many fire scenes as they can on people so they can get a taste of it or rope or needles or whatever it might be.

That's a great way to get your foot wet with somebody who should be an experienced top.

Yes, those can be super fun. They're also known as bottoming buffets in some circles, although I haven't seen them call that a special recent here, which is a curious talk.

That's a new one for me, but maybe that's a columnist thing. I don't know.

Let me ask this, is there a difference in expectations between a party that is held at a dedicated dungeon versus a house party versus one that is at like a guest at a swingers club?

That's a good question. I need to think for a second.

When you say expectations, do you mean can you tell me more about that?

The rules, the unspoken rules, the expectations of what's going to go on, the types of play, anything like that.

Underlying things that people don't waste off of.

Yes, so I would definitely say that private play parties are usually a lot more laid back.

The rules are less defined. It might be more of a social environment than a play heavy environment, but when play does happen, it can be more fluid.

It can sometimes be more intense than people would be comfortable opening up and doing at a public party, for example.

If we're thinking about differences in venues, as you mentioned, so this is a dedicated, kink space versus this is the upstairs of a swingers club that we rented out for the evening.

That is a tough one. I think that's very particular to the party itself and what it has established itself as.

Now, if you're at a swingers party, if the party is at a swingers club, and there's the penchantial for our swingers to, let's say, come from the downstairs, pay a separate cover and come into the kink space to look at people, that's definitely going to flavor it.

If people can come in on the street, that's sort of thing. Maybe it won't be as intense, we, kinky.

That is a really good question.

So then my follow-up question is, which one of those three would you recommend to somebody going to their first play party?

I would say probably the walk-in off of the street, because that is going to be the lowest pressure, and probably a little bit more social.

It, like everything in life, though, it really depends. But like the stakes are usually a lot lower in that environment.

There?

Cool.

I know one question I hear a lot from people is, what do I have to wear to something like this? Or what can I wear?

Oh, good question. So sometimes the party will actually have guidelines for that. Like, there will be a dress code.

If not, I would go back to the whole idea of being your authentic self. Like, where would ever make you feel good, whatever makes you feel sexy, if sexy is what you're aiming for?

There have been parties where I've shown up in, like, full formal attire. There have been parties where I've shown up in a tank top and cargo shorts.

You definitely want to fit the vibe. But honestly, just follow the dress code, whatever you feel comfortable in.

Sure. It's also been a thing that I know sometimes they will use the phrase "grandma rules" "applying" in order to get into the door.

But then some places will say once you arrive, there's changing rooms and such like that to be able to dress appropriately for the play party.

So what are the "grammel rules"? Does that phrase mean...

Do you want to go ahead and jump in since you brought up the idea?

Oh, I can. I understood it as "grandma rules" is "close" or "in outfits" "you would be comfortable wearing around somebody's grandma."

Socially appropriate, outside of "kink space" is how I've always kind of looked at it and defined it. So socially acceptable for the general public versus the kinky public.

That's how I look at it.

Same. I have actually... you want to kind of be a little more conservative than you might. There have been conventions that have nearly gotten shut down because people were wearing sexy attire walking through the lobby even though they didn't think it was that sexy.

So like, grandma, conservative, good vet.

All parts covered that, you know, somebody might fuss about...

And you.

So is there anything else a person needs to know before they go to their first play party?

I guess they would just emphasize not having expectations, exercising consent, and everything that you would do. And overall just play this.

These parties are a center of community building and you are an individual participating in that community.

As somebody who has never been to a play party, tell me what community looks like in this context.

Good question.

So community could look like a party that happens once a month where people gather and do whatever it is they do. That feels kinky to them.

That could be flowing, it could be rope, it could be pressure points, or like take down an environment.

It's really just gathering and doing the things that you love in a group of like-minded people that you can feel safe doing this thing that isn't accepted elsewhere.

It can look like skill sharing, sharing ideas around the things that we do.

It's really just a collective around the idea of kink and how it's okay to be kinky.

What are some other community building things that the kink community does?

Outside of play parties?

Yeah.

Sure. So you can go out to these functions called "Munches" and you MCHES is a social event at a restaurant, sometimes a bar that you just socialize with like-minded people.

And you know, keep it clean kids. Like we're doing the grandma rule, we're trying to not be too loud about what it is we're talking about.

But it's a social event where kinky people get together in more relaxed, not-play-centric environment.

There are educational events, I would encourage you. If you're going to play pretty, you should probably be going to educational events too.

It's okay to be in about what you're seeing and what you will be doing in the future of play parties.

Educational events, munches, what else?

Conventions, I've mentioned conventions, so there are weekends where people get together and kink 24/7 and they'll take classes.

There will be play parties every night, there will be social events, special interest groups, a lot of them.

So there's conventions.

Am I missing any?

Slashes, which are basically the same thing as munches, but centered around beverage instead of food is the way I describe it to people.

I used to run a splash, bang bang.

Sorry, I'm not sorry.

I'm just going to say, would you recommend if they're going to a larger convention and it's their first time for that as like their play party?

And the convention offers like a "hey, you're new. Come to this class, would you recommend that?"

Oh fuck yeah. New coverage classes, especially if this is like your first kink event, please do that.

This is going to, there's a fancy work here.

This is going to acculture you or acclimate you to the particulars of this event and generally just be educational.

Awesome.

And that's usually one of those safe spaces to be able to ask some of those questions because they've got some of the educators and folks and leaders to help identify like what you might see or what you need to know and all of that.

Yes, and also provides safety guidelines talking about your place-based monitors or some people call them dungeon monitors.

These are the people that you'll go to if you need first aid or if you need to call in additional help other safety info considerations for the event as well.

That might be particulars of a space that you're in.

I know the newbie classes tend to vary a lot from venue to venue. Some require them, some are optional, some it's, you know, here's the bathroom, here's the cross have fun.

Yes, that's true and one could ponder the level of responsibility and concern for things like, no, no, let's cut that.

The different organizers put different amounts of consideration and emphasis on things like that.

I know the one I took when I was first coming in was like a two-part class and the first one was in the dungeon owners home and the second one was actually at the dungeon and there is talk of, you know, consent and here's what to expect when we go to the dungeon for the next class and you got a tour.

And I think there were like four of us who took that class and one has actually wanted to be one of my closest friends in the lifestyle and it has stuck around just as long as I have.

And I'm just really lovely, how cool. I'm trying to think if I played a fast and dirty kids learn your lesson from me, probably go to that thing because I didn't.

And boy, you can get into a lot of trouble. As in, like this is going to give you the foundation to know how to advocate for yourself as well.

So I was going to say, I didn't have in my first play, but you didn't have that, but just how I, I call it growing up in the Chinkin weather community.

There were certain things that was just kind of passed down before I even went to a play party. So I didn't have that whole introduction type of formal, you know, class offered at like a convention type of thing.

Yeah, but it was still when I, when I did actually know I found it to be rather helpful in useful and, you know, just actually helps you to kind of settle down to get into the headspace to enjoy the entire event, which was fantastic.

Yeah, and personally, I would recommend to people going to the local slash or munch before you go to your first play party, meet people, find somebody you can, you know, cling to.

If you're nervous at the first play party, that's absolutely what we did after that class because we were all nervous and we just kind of moved around in a pack and stuck together.

That's really cool. And yes, I agree that having a point of contact to go into your first play party with super helpful. I had that experience as well.

After I finished my, my cultural anthropology research and like I was upfront with my, we called it informants from Dave on, like I have a personal interest in this, but I need to be removed from participating in that way until I graduate.

And then I might show up again, but there's no promises. So I did eventually come back as myself instead of a little anthropology student.

And I had those people that were approaching friends, friendship level, that is, to kind of guide me after I've been going to their munches for literally once.

And two older, submissive women, they took me to my first play party and they watched after me as my eyes were wide open, jaw dropped at some of the things that I've never been exposed to before.

Like I came from a pretty sheltered background and even though I knew I was interested in these scenes, it was still pretty shocking.

And the fact that I had those nurturing individuals with me, I feel so blessed. I didn't get to go to like an orientation or anything, but I did have those points of contact and that was so, so valuable.

I thought that sounds so definitely.

I got really good experience as your introduction to have those for the contact, do not support.

I want to be able to do that.

I don't know if you can answer this question, but I'm insanely curious what the research was you were doing.

Oh, it was very rude and veterinary.

Like, there's this concept. This is how possible people can interact with each other. This is what BDSM stands for.

Yes, it was very rudimentary stuff, but it just make up a nice 30 page paper in the end.

So what's one thing you know now that you wish you knew at the beginning of your King Journey?

All right, this is going to get a little heartfelt.

But I wish that when I entered the King's team that I knew about induced eosate consent.

I wish that I had known that just because someone has been around longer than I have, and because they know more than me, it doesn't mean that they know what's best, whether that be for me as an individual or for us together.

King is a very complicated space that we interact with each other, especially when it comes to our set times and spaces, these scenes, these containers of time and space.

And orphans are high, emotions are high. I wish that I had known that having a strong sense of self and self determination was okay because it is.

And you always think to advocate for yourself.

Well, I'm sorry that you had that experience, but I do want to thank you for your vulnerability and sharing that with us.

So nowadays, what do you look for in a play partner?

Who good question as well? So I look for people that appear to have a good sense of self. They appear to know what their emotional landscape is.

And through those things know how to see what it is they want and advocate for themselves, but also have some emotional intelligence to be able to meet me in the middle.

Some of my favorite forms of King that I practice these days are very collaborative and creative. And so I feel like those attributes are necessary for creativity, collaboration as well.

I'm sorry, that's a very surreal answer.

No, that's a great answer. What would you say is people's biggest mistakes when they go to their first play party and how do you avoid those mistakes?

I guess I would circle back to the whole, probably just observe and be polite at your first play party. You don't want to act outside of the bonds of the social norms of the space that you're in.

No, as I said at the front, like social norms are subjective, but just mind your piece and use, don't jump in and start running around naked if you don't know that that's a normal thing to do.

Then probably before you know at least a few people won't.

I'm sorry, that may not be the best answer, but really just the idea of being present, observing, not putting pressure on yourself or anyone around you.

What is your biggest pet peeze at a play party?

Okay, so I'm a rope person, and then I like rope baggage. And I mentioned earlier, like not interfering in the space that people are doing things in for whatever reason.

And I don't understand why people don't understand that this very large object that you're hanging yourself from, like you're suspending yourself from, isn't something that you want to walk under as somebody not hanging yourself from the thing.

And I just don't get it because one, I could smack you with my rope or kick you, but two, you're in my space, this could be come dangerous if you distract me.

I could drop someone or myself on my head if I'm self-suffering. That's probably my biggest pet peeve is just not respecting people's space.

Gotcha. Why are you passionate about rope?

I like rope because it is so versatile in what you can do with it. So both the connection that you build, the construction that you make with it, the aesthetics that you can create, you can take it off into very artistic, even performance or directions, which is something that I tend to do.

I love that there are artistic and scientific considerations. So you're thinking about the engineering of it, you're thinking about the human anatomy, that you're tying and making it as, you're mitigating risks.

As you go, it's really just a big puzzle that you create. As you go, it's very collaborative, so like person in time, person, or if you're the person being tied, like communicating this works well, this doesn't work well. Hey, how about we do this?

It is just a really versatile, very creative form of kick.

What is the best compliment you've gotten about your play, about a scene, about the kick?

Thank you.

I mentioned that I use rope a lot for performance art.

And I'm pretty sure some of the most touching compliments that I've gotten have been tied to that.

The thing about art is that it speaks to everybody's imagination in a way that it touches their soul.

And when you take kink and transform it into art, I think it makes it that much more visceral.

So I don't, I'm not thinking of any of those compliments on top of my head, but I don't, I do know that they have been connected to that.

So I was looking through some of your pictures today and I saw you have been to fall some and that is absolutely on my kinky bucket list.

What's still on yours?

I want to go to Berlin someday. There's a rope educators conference there that I want to go to, but also Berlin and its club scene is supposed to be phenomenal.

And also just very different than the American scene. So definitely want to go to Berlin.

If I can manage it someday and this is more like a partner activity, like I can't do this by myself, I would love to go to Tokyo.

I don't know that my rope is quote unquote traditional enough to go as a top and they don't have like a dedicated bottom.

So if I could like latch on to somebody wanting to learn there and go to Tokyo, that would be amazing.

Sounds like an amazing track.

I think so. I'm getting old now.

Okay, well as we start to wrap up, is there any question that you wish I had asked you?

I hate talking about myself so no. I'm really good at making it up though.

Okay, that's fair.

If one of our listeners wanted to follow you on social media, wanted to contact you, what's the best way to do that?

So in most active on Instagram, fat like and Facebook on Instagram you can find me at LinWorth_Rope.

On Facebook you can find me as LinLIN spaceWorthWORTHWORTH and on fat like you can find me as LinWorth.

And I will drop those links in the show notes.

Well, LinWorth thanks for coming on the show. You've been on a great first guest.

Thank you. Thank you very much for sharing all of your wonderful information and all of everything.

This has been great.

Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm really honored to be able to contribute.

Thank you. For our listeners upcoming synagogue classes, both in-person and virtual, we have one on mental health crisis first aid in the kink community coming up.

We have a few on electric, dollar store domination, check out our website to find out when and where those are.

But that's it. That's our show. Thanks for tuning in.