Ep13 - "Changing Lanes: from right to LEFT" with Master Sa'Vage

Ep13 - "Changing Lanes: from right to LEFT" with Master Sa'Vage

In BDSM, the roles of Dominance and submission are distinct and well-defined. Dominants typically assume control, while submissives willingly relinquish power. However, there are instances where individuals experience a misidentification predicament, where a person initially identifies as submissive but later realizes Dominant tendencies. This journey of switching lanes can be enlightening, challenging, and deeply personal. We will explore why such misidentifications might occur and the factors behind this intriguing phenomenon.

Master Sa'Vage’s journey is primarily geared towards education and service. It has allowed her to embrace who she truly is, a Dark Sadistic Leather Master who loves conversation with an educated perspective She is the Head of House for House of DIFference with one owned and collared charge, those in service and honorary members.

• Fetlife.com/Master_Sa_Vage
• Facebook.com/Sasha.Bee.963

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SINagogue hosts and guests are subject matter experts but not *the* expert. We believe outside of violating consent, there's no wrong way to kink except to think your way is the only way. The show is presented from a RACK (Risk-Aware Consentual Kink) point of view, not SSC (Safe Sane Consentual) because each person’s definition of safe is different based on their risk profile. Use of the word "safe" on the show fits our definition, and that doesn't have to be your definition. 

Reminder, we try to make our content as inclusive as possible regardless of gender, orientation, role in the lifestyle, etc., but we do inherently speak from our own point of view. We want to learn from our mistakes. If you feel like we said something offensive, let us know. Reach out via our website or call us at 469-269-0403.

Today’s show was brought to you in part by the letters S and M, and the Number 69. 

*San Dimas High School Football Rules*

Chapters

• 12:42 I Was A Terrible Submissive
• 21:54 Dominants Don't Serve?
• 31:56 Doing Things For The Community
• 39:16 Time To Educate
• 47:24 First Submissive
• 1:11:07 Final Thoughts
• 1:13:03 Inside The Kinkster's Studio

Transcript

1:14

Hosting with me today is my partner my ADHD squirrel wrangler my submissive my brat my little my pony or just my little pony The gallant to my goofess little bit wow This is episode number 13 and with us today is Master Savage to talk to us about the topic of Switching lanes and now everybody in the world of BDSM the roles of dominance and submission are distinct and well defined Dominance typically assume control while submissives willingly relinquish power However, there are instances where individuals experience a Miss identification predicament We're in a person Initially identifies as a submissive but later realizes their dominant tense disease This journey of switching lanes can be enlightening challenging and deeply personal Today we will explore why such miss Identifications might occur and the factors behind this intriguing phenomenon But first a word from our sponsor Master Savage's journey is primarily geared towards education and service It is allowed her to embrace who she truly is a dark sadistic leather master who loves great Conversation with an educated perspective She is head of house for house of difference with one owned and collared charge those in service and honorary members House of difference would not be what it is today and what it will become moving forward without the members of the house For those who live their truth and don't brag or boast about it It will most certainly catch her eye she is observant and comfortable as the comfort grows like a phoenix She will be authentically herself She will not be changing for anyone that will dilute her authenticity She has an open and affirming personality She accepts friendships slash associations with those who are respectful of her and her leather journey as well as her charges She has an introverted personality, but once she gets comfortable with you you get to see her extroverted self She believes life is short and wonderful She believes life is too short and wonderful not to take a chance once in a while She believes submission must be earned and once received it must be respected nurtured and guided Her educational pursuits has led her to host slash present slash teach classes some of which are Changing lanes from right to left as we'll be talking about today exploring power energy and spirituality and BDSM Impact on individuals and dynamics controlled predicament OSHA's knit. I'm here now what BDSM 101 at your first conference slash event Rope bondage and safety and polyamory Thank you for being here in the synagogue master savage Tell us about switching lanes. Oh, thank you for having me So switching lanes from right to left is actually my story How I first got into kink and BDSM all the way through where I am today and continuing to travel I started underground Um This November will actually be 20 years. Oh goodness I never thought I would be able to say that you know um A lot of people in my experience they tap into their kink side and Some venture into BDSM, but some just stay in kink and when I came in I came in off of kink Being that nosy and positive researcher that I am um and I Basically came across Someone who had the same kind of kinks as me or so I thought Oh, he was a deacon son and it always kills me that I expect they say that I came into kink uh, very good. That's awesome Um For those who have actually seen me in person. Yes, I am cute and kindly and friendly looking Um Yes, but That can be a little deceiving At times because I have a great imagination and I'm a dark status for a reason, but going back um We've all you know We've all had that moment in our life where we Thought we knew the roadmap of where we were going What we were we were going to do with our lives and things like that sure and I was one of those people I actually was naive enough to think that I knew where I was headed and When I first started out I knew that I was just that kinky person Who wanted to play around in the bedroom and whatnot And when I met the deacon son Um that bedroom led to An actual play space um like I said I was brought in I was underground meaning before social media Um before the a l l chat rooms and things like that it was all about who you knew And everything was gate kept sure You know, so we had to be vetted before we could go anywhere and do anything so um The deacon son was in the military And he knew people who had traveled all over Japan, Korea and things like that and they're more advanced than we are in certain kinks and fetishes So I was lucky enough to be invited to a party with him and When I went to this party, I was just wow I saw things that you know, I had only seen in You know Videos my parents when I'm yeah, my parents had uh x-ray movies and things like that You know As kids you stuff look awesome. Well, yeah, and you see these things and you're like wow This actually happens Um at that party I saw people who had collars had leashes All these fascinating things that I really didn't know anything about but I knew I was intrigued And I started you know looking around I was quiet because you know, I'm that type of person. I like to observe first But inside I was just bouncing up and down like oh my god, this is amazing But what I didn't see were female who Were in a dominant role all like so were mainly men And The females that I did see They were at that time called dominatrix I mean, I knew they I know they still called them that right at times, but they were more so of paid To be in that role um So Me and the decan son, you know, we we went to other parties um But he wasn't allowing me to do the things that I wanted to try and do You know, I became more immersed in The kink and the bdfm lifestyle and he was like no, you're not gonna do that to me. No, we're not gonna do this I don't know what you heard, but it just I was talking and then everything just went dead So yes, he would not let me do any of the things that I wanted to do I wanted to You know learn how to tie people in rope Because I saw people you know tied up in harnesses and things like that I didn't want to try it on me But I wanted to try it on other people And of course he was against that um I wanted to you know, do the vlogging and things like that again not on me He was against that So basically everything that I wanted to do He was against because in his mind it was the female's job to be the bottom And these were before I even know what new what these terms were And it was the male's job to be the top So that did not work with me um But then he got deployed to Japan I stayed in um The community that I was in underground and um I met a couple that was in a master slave dynamic um And they were really good to me. I was not a part of them But they took me under their wing so um And the dominant the master at the time basically told me you're not a submissive but if you want to learn then by all means you know And the reason why I I stopped sitting there saying I made the mistake of going to the right side of the slash Because it was a learning lesson for me To allow me to get to where I am today um But the reason why I chose to go to the right side of the slash is because I did not see women in the role of being in charge Back then If they were They were being paid for their services And I knew back then that was not something that I wanted to do um So I started learning the ins and outs of being a submissive um To be honest though, I was a bad submissive I was great in service You know Anticipatory service all of that I was great But when it came to following rules And just following people blindly I couldn't do that I'm that type of person that you have to tell me the what the when, the where, the why, and the how in order for it to process and sink into my head and Get me to a point where Yes, okay, I I understand What you foresee happening and yes, I can help you get to that But it just did not work for me I was told that I was a horrible submissive I was made to write lines like I don't know what Um, I even have a notebook still Of all the lines that I had to write I found it one day when I was going through my throats um And I laugh about it now because I was so stubborn back then That I didn't see why I was not in the place that I was supposed to be um But it's amazing how we you know, we sit there and think that okay This is what I'm supposed to do. This is how I'm gonna do it We don't think of those roadblocks that come in the way And every time I came across A dominant who wanted to have me in service or wanted to own me It never worked out. It would last for maybe a year or two at the most I was never collared, which is probably a good thing Um My last dynamic Oh, it was bad Because I was Basically he put me into a position where I was the face of his house He ran a business and And I was the front facing person the ones who smiled and people's faces You know, I was a customer service person And people I was so good at that but people thought that I was the head of house Because when we did think I was the one always out there in the front And he had another he had a slave But she wasn't out there like me nobody felt comfortable talking to her They always felt comfortable talking to me and during when that happened He would become upset with me like I did it on purpose And my whole thing was I was doing what you asked me to do I was being the face of Your company I was helping you with your products I even built some of the products for him And he got all the credit for it you know But After I left that dynamic It took me some time to um Actually get myself together because I started sitting there thinking Is this really for me? Because I was still In that mind frame of All I see are men who are in these dominant positions Um, and I was I was a very head-strained person stubborn as well Um, so I kind of stepped back a little bit Uh met the father of my son and I was gonna have that you know White picket fence two and a half kids in a dog I don't know where to get that two and a half kids well Toys with question in my head It's like where was the other half? Where did that go? But um, you know, I tried the marriage route And even though I tried to You know spice up our marriage and things like that. I tried to be the good wife It didn't work out that way um What turned from a great marriage turned into a very abusive and dark marriage Um, and I started losing myself in that marriage I lost the person who was head-strained I lost the person the woman actually who wanted to be of service or in service Who wanted to take care and nurture her family To always being scared of this man when he came into the house Um, so things led up to a divorce and After that I had a you know sort of like a come to the universe talk of What am I really here for? What's really gonna make me happy? And part of me was like this lifestyle isn't for me Because I can't find my place in it Um, I ended up taking a step back and That's when I met my mentor um master sable and his his slave butterfly um And I had gravitated towards butterfly I was in uh, college also working on my masters um And one of my classes I had to interview someone and I chose to do the psychology of BDSM and a master's slave dynamic And I I met her And I was a fan girl I still am even though she's my leather mother now I was a whole fan girl because I was just amazed to see someone submit and surrender without question And it showed me that there was a level of trust There was a reason why She felt so comfortable to surrender to him Um, so I did the interview And I got to meet him for the first time And It was amazing because I was nervous I was like oh my goodness I'm about to meet this man who's been in this community For 20 something years and I'm a baby coming you know Back into it above ground Where social media exists now Um, and not the aol chat rooms Um So When I met him, you know, he was like By that at that time I was going by Sasha And he was like I've seen you around, you know, I've been watching you Um, and I know that you're not in a dynamic You know, what are you doing with yourself nowadays? I said, well, I'm going to school I'm um Just Here You know, I don't really know what it is that I want to do I don't think this lifestyle is for me So he was like, well when you get an idea of what you want to do Let me know And that's like I'm like, okay, what is it that I want to do? I know I want to finish my master's degree I know I have a sender raise Um, and it took me a year It took me a whole year to figure it out with a little push from him And I had, you know Sisters, you know, in the community who were detypes But they hit it so well for me Um Because it didn't look like what I was used to looking seeing Mm-hmm, you know so When I started talking to them, they're like, we've been waiting for you To come out of your shell and come over here And I'm like, what is over here? And they were like to the left side of the slash You know we're female dominant We're not dominant, you're not Them doms, we're not fin doms, we are female dominant We have MSDS dynamics You know, and I was like, well I know I don't want to be a submissive, they're like, no, we're not talking about you being a submissive We're talking about you coming into yourself and being a dominant so I was still in a In this mind frame of I don't know um And then master sable Came up to me again at another event And he was like, have you made your decision yet? I and I was like, I'm still on the fence And he was like, okay, he was like, well I want to mentor you And in my mind, I'm thinking he wants to mentor me as his slave I said, well sir, I'm not I'm not a submissive, I didn't make a good submissive I was great at service, but Following somebody is not something that I can truly do And he was like, what makes you think that dominance Don't serve And I was like, I'd never heard that question before And I was like, well, from everything that I've witnessed He was like, no, if a dominant tells you that they don't serve their community, their house or their charges That should be a red flag to you Mm-hmm I was like, wow And he was like, you can be a dominant and still serve And be of service to your community You can be a dominant and serve your house that you're in It doesn't mean that you're less of a dominant It doesn't mean that you're submissive or a slave It means that you're being of service To anybody who needs it And that was the game changer for me I didn't realize that as much as I'd love to serve the community and things like that I could do that on the left side of the slash I didn't have to be submissive or be a slave To be in service to someone or or community So when that happened, when that clicked in my head It's like the floodgates opened And I was like, okay, let's go with this mentorship I don't know what it looks like, but we're gonna go with it Um And I jumped Speak first he was like, give me five years If you can trust me and just learn everything that you can learn And do several things I will get you I will make sure that you become a master At that time I wasn't even in the thoughts of becoming a master I didn't I didn't want to be a master I just wanted to be a dominant Not even a dominant That had a charge I felt I wasn't even responsible enough To be a dominant So The first year It was a little rough The first year Because I was learning to trust someone Who had been in an MS dynamic With his slave for 15 years Who had what they called old guard training Um He was he was trained in A leather household That had many dominance male and female And many slaves and submissives males and females And he had to learn To submit before he could lead I was like, well, I've already had one part of that You know, I had the submitting side short of And when that happened That first year We bumped heads a lot Because we had to learn each other I had to come out of my comfort zone And understand that this man was treating me like an equal Even though he had years in He was still treating me like a dominant Where I had other male dominance Who were sitting there Questioning me on are you really a dominant Have you met the right man to lead you You just haven't found the right one And it made me question myself like Well, are they right? Or should I really listen to this Master who is trying to help me Be what I want to be And it was always there because in my professional career I have always been in charge I've always led people I've always been like the manager or director of teams and things like that I've oversaw offices of 30 to 70 people So I didn't know why it just didn't click In this world over here Um So the second year was a lot better Because I actually had those hard to hard talks with him I was like okay, why did you pick me Of all the people out there And his reasoning was why wouldn't I pick you You showed that there are things that you wanted to learn But you kept coming up against walls You showed even though you were coming up against those walls That you still wanted to stick here And that's one of the main reasons he said my perseverance And my drive is what drew him to me Hmm And in my mind, I'm sitting there like Okay, I'm trying to stay above water You know thinking that I'm a failure You know and I've been I've been a patched member of this house I was inducted into his house as a junior master in 2019 And this is where the road definitely the exits changed on my maps And The rest stops were no longer there I was on the straight road that was now starting to wind And I um During that induction I was so clueless Oh my god, I was clueless He told me to be in a room at self in 2019 At a certain time I said okay, I'm there in my kilt my deadpool t-shirt And suspenders With my dock martin zone That is how I am I love where it kilt's deadpool whatever Oh yeah So When he saw me he was like that's what you're wearing I'm like you didn't tell me how to dress I'm here just because you said to be here So when I got into the room it was a room full of people And he was at the head of the room with his slave And a couple of other friends and whatnot And I'm sitting towards the back of the room And he starts this speech About this young lady that he admit And how he had watched her over the years And was wondering what the hell is she doing on the right side of the slash And I started sitting there thinking like hey That's what he's up here and said to me Let me tell you something about Kilt's out here That had the same thing from him You know and he was like and this woman every time I give her a task She knocks it out Without me even having to follow up or things like that And I'm like yep that sounds like me I've done that a time or two with him You know it's good to me So Then he went he proceeded to say Um Lady survived can you come up front And I'm sitting there thinking like okay wait I just got that name I know I've picked that name because me and my leather sisters were sitting in a hotel room at an event Going over what my name should be And I was like I know damn well somebody else didn't take my name Still clean So He looked at me he was like come on up So I was like oh okay it's me And then it dawned on me What was going on all this time he was talking about me And there's actually a video of me still in awe of like oh wow you were really talking about me Um So That night I was inducted into house blue flames as a full patched member Their first member Um as a junior master And when I say after that night Things turned for me they completely turned I was still a baby in this leather lifestyle But I had people coming at me left and right You know asking to be in service all this and that and I'm like no I'm I don't want that responsibility. I'm good. I can do things on my own. Thank you very much It was him who had to end his slave who had to tell me You're now on the left side of the slash There are gonna be S types who come to you to ask if they could be in service or if there's anything that you need And yes, although you're a person who can do things on your own It kind of gives them You know enjoyment as well because they are Feeling their joys of serving So I had to work on that I had to work on allowing people To do things for me The third year I was to a point where I was like you know what? I need to start doing things I want to do things for the community And this was also around during COVID And I was like There's all these munches and all these events that are no longer able to happen because of COVID So I was like I went to him and I said hey, I want to do a munch And he was like okay as an I want to do a virtual munch And it's a way for people to fellowship because we're We're blocked off from each other because we can't travel For these events I said but I wanted also to be educational And one of the main things with master sable is whenever I came to him with an idea He was like go for it He would work out the pros and cons with me And at the end of the day it was still my choice As a dominant it was my choice to do what I wanted to do So I went ahead And I created a munch at that time it was not called be the difference munch it was just a munch And I had like maybe five or seven people And we would just talk about you know the lifestyle what we miss And this went on weekly for about three or four months And I'm like okay now we got a big deeper So I started thinking of names I wanted something to be different Because all the munches that I had come across They had great ideas but they would fizzle out so fast So I was like you know what I want to be different It's gonna be a different munch I kept sitting there saying different different And I went to you know my leather sisters and I told them what I wanted to do And they are great with helping with names because they helped me with my name They helped me with my munches name which would be the difference munch And I started reaching out to people who I knew and who I had met over the years At conferences and things like that and I asked them if they would be willing to present on my munch And low on behold they did I was like wow People actually are willing to come onto my munch and talk to people and teach people Um one of the things that I I stressed this is a free munch You don't have to pay to you know to join it We just asked that you you know you be respectful You know no hate speeches no bashing nothing like that Come in like you have some common sense And be respectful sit and learn ask your question and Within that first year Something that went from five to seven people Started building and building And that first Munch that I had Somebody all the way from Egypt Wow wow I was a maid I was like holy shit. I'm international You know And It's funny because I still have yet to present on my own munch I am that type of person I like to Push other people out there If you're a new presenter And I've vetted you You know and I looked over your research and what you want to present in I give people those chances Whereas conferences and things like that would never give somebody new a chance No You know and I've been there I know I've been there so This was my way of giving back to the community to getting new presenters out there We yes, we love the presenters that I've been presenting But we need new faces There's a younger generation who's coming up in this lifestyle That we have to give them a chance we have a bunch of T and Gears who know their stuff And that's what my munch is for to help people Build on what it is that they want to build What they want to teach people things like that in the munch Um teaches anything from vanilla to keep to fetishes BDSM everyday life even financial financial awareness And realistically these are some of the things that we've had on the munch Hey And I think it's been going on now for four years almost five years Um, we always we accept donations, but we don't look forward to that I am the one who pays for the platform You know, I'm the one who reaches out to people asking if they would be willing to present Um You know or I'll put out things and this is how I met you all You all answered one of my um Posts out there And that's what I love about the community you put it out there People who are interested in want to educate and whatnot They'll come and talk to you You know I still have people asking me when are you going to present on your munch I'm like nobody wants to hear from me. I want to get other people up there The munch is my way of hiding behind them You know in the bed Um because most of the times all I'll do is sit there and announce somebody Nounce the rules and then I'm quiet Because the munch is there for them So That's one way That as a dominant I give back to the community that I serve the community Um I also do In service I'm in service to several other houses um I serve several leather masters That are up there in age and are not that tech savvy I help them with their google calendar I help them with their Zoom meetings and things like that You know some small things like that they're where they get confused They'll call me up And I'm like yes ma'am yes sir I got you Let's do this Yeah You know and I don't see it as me being subservient I just see it as me just helping Yeah helping somebody in me Um So With my munch that's going on I come out of my shell Some work um after that Masters of a master uh Sable was like okay You've done the first two things you come into who you really are You're doing your community service Now you need to educate And I was like oh Okay Educate now and he was like I want you to start presenting And I'm like I failed You know debate I was not a good public speaker Um and I'm still not You know he was like No you just need to go and I want you to present And was like okay And I was procrastinating like I don't know what Um he called me a minute And he was like guess what I was like what's going on he was like you're going to be presenting your first class So get a class together I want you to talk to the new people who are Going to be attending this event This is going to be their first time attending any event And I'm like wow Okay Uh what can I teach them and one of my favorite singers oh shiznit What again? I went to my leather shoes and I was like oh shiznit I got to prepare and put together a class for newbies And thank you for the title oh shiznit now what I know that is awesome You know made this You know this title They're like yeah we created the title But you have to create the class which is no problem So I went back to how I was as a newbie You know underground and coming above ground And going to a mix that I didn't have to be vetted to go to Learning dungeon rules and things like that where I didn't have to be vetted to get into So my class was a simple 101 class Be mindful of how you ask questions and when questions are asked of you Pay attention to those questions Because it might not be a question that you're actually You know willing to say yes to Somebody sitting there saying can I give you a hug and you say yes They didn't you didn't ask them where they want to hug you at or where they want to touch you when they hug you Words matter Those are things that newbies and even some veterans don't know about Um You know the etiquette of when somebody is doing a scene You're not supposed to be loud in in the scene like oh my god Didn't even really just punch the shit out of her no you're not supposed to do that You know there were um and Those classes That I did for that it was To see the light bulb go off in these in their eyes. I was like oh They're actually understanding what I'm saying You know and I was able to relate to them and it's still done and make me comfortable in presenting But the fact that somebody was actually listening to when I was saying resonated with me Um and it all because I was violent told to teach a client That's how my cherry was broke And then could we do it right Volunteer me I'm there. I may have a plan to protect for a moment, but I'm there Exactly But I worked on that because one of the main things one of my goals was To be able to talk in front of people and not be scared Um, I'm still scared shit when I talk in front of people Mm-hmm Or when I talk period um But the joy of seeing people's eyes light up when they are able to They When they sit there and say aha I got it or He's me Great when they sit there and I just got a I took one like rope Oh no problem to him oh You're right do you need to pause for some water Mm-hmm Look a little bit. Yeah Go for it Thank you This weather is with the allergy things like that No, if I'm right there with you so I could I could recognize like that was that whole like Hit just right and it's one of those like oh no if I try to go forward I'm gonna try to make through it but oh yeah, it's gonna be rough So that's why I was asking if you needed a moment Thank you Go problem um But after that I was ball and told many times over Any time I present I'm ball and told to Submit It's never my own free will It's never because I'm like oh yes, I'm gonna go and Present that thought no, I have been ball and told to present And it's mainly because Max disabled knows me I would rather push other people out there To present then to be in the line light Mm-hmm But unfortunately Huh, I'm in that line light And then I came up that hide from it um Well for whatever it's worse you're not the only one who gets nerves presenting I'll first class. I'm teaching of the weekend every single time My nerves are through the roof and I just have to remind myself of the advice My undergrad speech professor gave me and that was If you're nervous in public speaking just picture everybody in their underwear And apparently I have a really good imagination at T.C. fence You know I tried but then there are certain people that I look at I'm like Hey How you do? I'm lined up even more distracted yeah Well if you're at a finish event and somebody's like Well if you really want me to give you the actual visual I'm down to do that so I mean because that's always an option had a fetish event just saying Yeah, at some events it's like all of a sudden everybody's wearing a lot more clothes I might like to do one one day Eventually if you're accountable with being naked in this fasten, please do it'll help me to help you to help me Exactly I mean and the thing with Master Sable is in our years of knowing each other We've gotten very close he is actually my other father um And I really do treat him like a father And because there are clients where Like any child will worry about their parents because they're not taking care of themselves Yeah, about a minute yeah On that is me with the entire house blue flames because over the years we have grown Now instead of me being a child a single child I have um brother and sisters in the house who are damnant it's the missus slave All of that and I'm very protective of them So protective that at a time He was like okay, you're gonna have to start getting ready to build your own house And I was like nope, I'm good. I'm not leaving this house. I'm not going anywhere I'm gonna stay here forever And he was like No, that's how this works You have to go and fly on your own and I'm like nope y'all remember the um cartoon with the baby vulture He's old old old old and we're gonna try to kick him out That's how hard it is[laughs] I'm like I'm like I don't need to have a submissive I'm good right here And he was like no, this is a part of your training you have to He was like either you find one or I'm gonna find somebody And that took me to his story of How he got his first slaves He was given a slave by the house that he was in And they had to be in a dynamic for a year They had to work with each other All of that And she had to take note about him in how he handled situation and report back Oh, what goodness what they did not tell him is he had the hard ass slave in the house She didn't take sit So for a whole year He and him and her worked together they bumped everything And at the end of the year she had to go and give her report And he was like I'm not gonna make it I might as well just quit now Because she didn't like me and we didn't get along But she actually gave him a fair report So he was honest about the things that he had to work on Areas that he actually grew and he came exceptional at And After that a year later he was actually covered as a master Very cool For me, I was like oh hell I don't want him to give me somebody because I already knew who he was gonna give me And I knew right then and there It was not gonna work So I was like okay let me let me see what I can do I asked him to give me some money and let me you know look for somebody All the while The person that I was looking for Was actually on a board with me of an organization that I was president of And there was a no-fraudmization rule And I was like look, wow This doesn't help me You know um that Once again Things jumping your way for a reason And I made the decision to step down From president of the organization And she did likewise as the vice president And I was like oh I'm gonna take my chance now She's a submissive I'm a dominant I've seen her servers see excel's out of it The worst you could tell me is no And when it came time for me to ask her I'd ask her to tell it and I was like oh my god, she's gonna say no I had a whole speech in my head And so I was like you know what I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it So I asked her I was like what do you think about being in service to me and Then moving you know vetting each other and moving into consideration And things like that and she got really quiet and I was like yes She's gonna tell me now And she was like She was like I'm shocked But I was like okay you can just break it to me you're gonna tell me no And she was like no I'm not gonna say no She was like I'm just shocked That G-boss way are interested Excuse me and I was like is that a yes is that a no is that a maybe Or let's put a pin in it You know is she the right it's a no I was like oh okay okay yes Right you so we sat down and we did a contract and When I tell you we were thorough about these contracts And I'm very complicit I don't like to have a lot of protocols because I have AVHP I'm not gonna remember all of them Fair yep I am all over the place if you want me to memorize 10 different protocols I'm lucky if I even get three of them right Our protocols only consists of three And that's when we are in a crowded room And it's primarily on her Why because I'm I might be paying attention to her well not even might I'm always paying attention to her But I'm on the outskirts of any crowds So I don't like to be in the center of a crowd Um where she is a people person and she loves to be in the center of the crowd So we have three three signals There are hand signals that say look at me Um, I'm leaving and it's time to go or pay attention That's it Outside of that We don't have any of that um And everything that I do is organic Our relationship We started off as acquaintances Then we started off where you went to friends To where we were on a board together and work together To a closer friendship To assist her hood And now we are a master slave dynamic And it's awesome She's helped me in a lot of ways Um, continually being comfortable with who I am Taking over my calendar because I am not a type of person ADHD I will sit there and Double triple and quadruple book myself And I've done it a couple of times The last one she was like man, we're not doing this again I had booked myself for an in person panel discussion A wine or university To a zoo panel The same afternoon just an hour after it Um to an in person Uh, meet and greet That was later on in the evening mind you I'm in Pennsylvania For the university panel Mm-hmm left there with 10 minutes to spare to get on the computer at the hotel room To get on to that panel For it's only been hours, thank God To then pack up everything, jump in the car And book it to an hour and a half away for the meet and greet Oh And barely made it And after that she was like, man, we are not Doing this again, respectfully I'm taking your calendars And I was like, oh, okay, I understand completely So she handled all of my electronic calendars I she left me with a paper one Which is wonderful, because I feel so good that I have the paper But I'm not allowed to catch the electric one We meet every week And she um She asked me what's in my paper calendar And then she looks at the electronic calendar and she's like, okay You can do that one, no, you can't do this one unless we change in this And it's worth Mm-hmm I know that I drive for crazy And she's admitted that a few times and I apologize many times And I know that I will continue to apologize Um But this January this past January I think I made the best decision By asking her to be the custodian of my collar Um, she accepted it Oh, congratulations Thank you And At on the same night I also announced the launching of House of Difference Um Talk about being a grown-up really quick Great Wow That's awesome, congrats Thank you It was It was amazing Um I was just like, okay, we're Is you and me Miss TNC and Lady Survive We make that House of Difference And we are gonna do this and we're gonna throw And ours We are centered around Educating and community service Um, there are several program You know that we are a part of um We do different walks and runs For like all time is Thank Jude You know, we raise money for different things like that Um, and these are things that I've always wanted to do Um And with her help They're coming true I now have her along with Two other people in service Um, I'm not in a rush to grow my house Um, that's just how I am I like to take things Slowly Um And This past June at So It was my five-year Anniversary of being inducted into House of Lou Plain And I was covered as a leather covered master At Troll Which was another amazing goal of something that I've never really looked forward to having But over the years of being in a A mentee of master's table And learning all the different leather values It was something that I cherished That night that I was covered I went to sleep with my um, cover on Yes It was I really wanted to offer that Overwhelmed and excited I went to get my room Miss TNT helped me take my docked martens off And my vest And I was like, I just want to lay here And she was like, do you want to take your cover off and see I was like, nope, I just want to sit here And just Cross this everything Next week, I know I passed out of sleep With my covers still on And I know they have pictures, they took pictures of me Which I'm fine with Yeah But It's just, it's still surreal To From where I came from And You know, getting into kink And then venturing me to BDSM So now I, where I am in leather It's amazing And I sit there and think about all the time That I wanted to leave Just because I didn't see The things that I wanted to be You know, and Now that I'm What I want to be and I I'm able to help others I look forward to doing that When people, you know, come and see me at events or conferences And see myself I'm still an off-drop that people are Coming to me saying, oh, I've always wanted to meet you And I, I didn't know how to approach you And I'm like, hey, I'm your friendly neighborhood And you can Ask me anytime you want You know, um, I still Humber myself, you know, because Things could have been a lot worse for me on my journey I've met people who are no longer in this lifestyle Because of things that have happened to them You know, and they didn't have a way to come back from it And if I can help people avoid things like that by teaching them You know, how to maneuver, how to negotiate, how to butt people I would definitely do that You know, um, there's a lot of chats that I'm in That I see a lot of new people coming in And they sit there and say, well, I'm new to this I just want to do all the things And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa If you let's not just jump out there and say you want to do all the things Because I can list a lot of things that you've never even thought of And if you sit there and try and do it, you're gonna get yourself hurt And there are some people who listen And then there are some people who don't And I just wish them well You know, and, and hope that they don't get hurt along the way But That's been my journey and I'm looking forward to Many more years, you know, to come I'm meeting a lot of great people You too Um It's just it's great to see the faces that I've seen on The zooms, you know, meeting them in person They can see how quirky and weird I am in person As I am on the camera on You know, on the phone I'm gonna try to post them what you see is what you get But I wouldn't say anything How long have did you spend on each side of the slash? Oh So I've been I was a submissive for almost 11 years and Then there was like that That realm of greenness where I didn't identify as anything And then for the past seven years I've been a beehive Thanks So I had a little bit of amount of time of the wandering Wandering person Not identifying In your journey from switching sides, did you ever make a pit stop as a switch? No And I commend anybody who can who can turn things on and off like that I am not one of those people I'm either on or off. I mean just I can't switch. I don't understand How they do it? I don't know if it's made my ADHD Um I've played with people I've taught people who are switches Who have come from pop space and now we're in bottom space And that's a different experience altogether Because They're trying to come down from pop space into bottom space It's like a power struggle with them in mid-play Um, but no, I've never had the urge to switch Like I said being a submissive was Or even a bottom I can count on one hand how many teams I've had as a bottom And that's not many I only have five fingers on one hand I just know That's fair. It's completely fair Yeah That's kind of sad too I've only had like five actual scenes I mean I mean if you think about it that way maybe but at the same time If you're like I've been about them, you know Five times less than five times For a scene But it's not your thing You long to do that That that's actually not a bad thing That's actually a All right, so I was a sub and I did that But I did these scenes and they weren't quite for me Yeah That's that whole I tried it And I made sure that I tried it Didn't like it We're good Um, so I don't say that's a bad thing He had a point here because I'm not a massacre I mean I have a hard pain power I don't enjoy pain Mm-hmm I enjoy giving pain That's fair But and only thing that I do on people I actually check it on myself So I feel like a solo bottom Yeah, I've done I've been a solo bottom Yeah But it's a little different But it's so funny You know But it's not to find myself before I practice on others And that's fair But yeah You know, it's still not bad Uh, you know I ran into somebody Uh Years ago, when I was first starting off I was at their farm for the weekend And she made the comment She was like I always tell people to try things You know At least, well, she's like You try it once She goes but you get You know, gotta try it at least You know, a couple other times Because she said, you know What squeak she one day eaks you another And I'm like, now that makes sense And she's like, you know, be it the other is Is that you gotta give it a shot And you're giving it a fair shake To see if that works for you And she's like, you know There are things that just don't work for people Oh, that's a lot of If my twin, who is a switch Um She She does rope She's a ridger So I will sit there And be her Rope bunny You know, as a demo Mm-hmm And that's only because we've already I've already told her You cannot hit me with anything If you put me in this rope Sure So other than that No I mean, it will actually Well, okay I'm like But it doesn't have to be impact To be To be a bottom floor for a scene True But That's another thing You're like, nope, I'm good Then that's all right That's actually not a bad thing That's like, nope, I'm good Nothing has really, nothing has passed there I said, oh, I want to try that It's more so, oh, I want to try that on someone That's a valid thing too We like people like you that are out there like that Especially as, you know, for the plethora of submissives and bottoms that are out there When you're like, oh I want to try that on somebody Right, but yeah Unfortunately, some of the things that I like to do I haven't really met too many people yet Like, I'm into cell popping Branding, you know, some of the things that People are just not into or Kind of getting around to You know, so There are people out there My submissive heart She loves impact, heavy impact And I give her what she needs and she is good In return, I give her try new toys So that's always the great thing to know That sounds like a great trade off I think though She might not think so What? So what advice would you give to somebody who Believes their on a similar journey of switching sides Um First thing is don't be too quick to identify yourself Get out there, test the waters See what you like Um and wait Even if it's several years You know, just to fair state that you're You're experimenting Don't let anybody push you Into a certain side Because they think that's what you're supposed to be Um Find your people And Soon or later you will become comfortable with who you are And then you can identify with who you really feel that you are But don't let anybody talk you out of that Because that's a decision that you have to make Not anybody else I Think that's some good advice. Yeah, it's gonna say that sounds like it's a really good advice I wish somebody would have told me that But I think I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I didn't have all the experiences that I went through Because one of the biggest things I've learned From being a semester it takes a lot to submit and surrender That trust that they give you is not something to be taken lightly That's why when people come to me and ask me to be in service, you know, if they can be in service to me I ask them why You know, what is it that you are looking forward looking for from me And what is it that you hope to gain for you? You know, it's not a one-sided or one-sided thing I don't want people to sit there and just say oh I just want to be in service to you. It's not just about me I want you to gain something from this too Even if it's not ownership You know if you are serving me and one day you choose to go elsewhere I hope that you've learned something while being in service to me And you can take that to the next person and the next person and grow yourself from that Very cool Ah, that's definitely bad So before we transition to the part of the show we like to call inside the kingster studio Is there anything else you'd like our listeners to know about switching sides? Um, me Have fun That's what this, that's what this lifestyle is about We're a bunch of rebels who want to have fun but do it safely That is a hard limit If you are practicing a craft or Just dealing with people The prime director is protective the property Even if they're not your property if you're borrowing them for a little while Or if you're playing with somebody He's safe about it Make sure you leave them in a better mental space or A space where they are good Don't stick there and hurt somebody with the purpose of hurting somebody I'm not talking about the play aspect of things Because yes, that's what master's love they like to They like that pain but don't sit there and Break someone down and you have no No idea of how to fill them back up We're a community of consent And breaking someone's consent Is a very bad thing and that's something that I strive to never do Violating anybody's consent So that is being vised that I would give people If you are out here wanting to switch up or whatnot or Be in the space that you want to be in just be safe about it Be honest with yourself, get to learn yourself And then go out there and do all the things Okay Well, speaking of fun, we're going to now transition into the more fun part of our show Which we like to call inside the Kingston studio where we ask you Some more fun some more lighthearted type questions. Are you game? I'm game All right, what is your favorite toy in your toy bag? Oh my favorite toy in my toy bag They would be my vampire glove. I made them with the help of a Submissive who was in service to me um, I was preparing for a Control predicament class And before the class I was making these gloves And I asked her to help but she was like sure no problem ma'am She did not know that I was making them use on her during the class I I have not used to have friends but they In my dog they just make me laugh every time I see them That's fantastic What is the most useless skill you present you possess? The most useless skill Oh, that's a good one um The most useless skill memorizing songs that nobody wants to hear Playing over and over again in their head Like the Muppet song? That's awesome Well, uh that leads into my favorite question to ask if you had to Uh if you had to have sex with one Muppet which Muppet would it be and why? Oh it would be animal Of course Oh that would be a ride right there It would have to be one more It would be so much fun Final all of that energy? Yeah Nice Let's see here what is We hold on I just lost that I'm so sorry What's an insult that you've received that you're proud of? An insult that I've received that I'm proud of Oh You are the worst It's ever to make me feel this much pain And what were you doing at the time? I was reading them with cames And I made a I have a panda cam And I was like all of this to stop if you just kiss the panda I'm very pleased didn't I I did often they percise me when bottom percise me I'm like yes So when she sat there and said that she was like you are the person that's like I was like yes What is one thing you'll never do again? One thing I will never do again Um Oh Oh I don't think there's anything that I would never do again Oh wait no no no no no There is so I do rigging as well Um Next time I will listen to the bottom When I have them partially in their rope harness That they have to use the bathroom I love I gifted them a lot of rope because they feed all over my rope Oh I thought she was joking because she was laughing and whatnot And when I went to suspend her She was like I was a joke she got to hold it And it all happened Oh no Oh and I was like you just got yourself some rope So that is a lesson I will never Not I will never do that again I will listen to the bottom when they say they have to go to the bathroom Nice Definitely a good thing Oh I'm so sorry let's see here Oh Like I'm reading off of my paper here and I just oh there we go What is the strangest per- strangest purchase that you have made Strangest purchase that I have made So here's the funny thing most of my toys I have not bought for myself they were bought for me Oh nice And one of the toys is this strap on That I have never used because I don't know how to use it It's a I want to say it's a hungive And you're supposed to put the toy in there a certain way But it does not work and it's a dragon penis Oh oh So it's amazing to look at but I like this looks like it would do damage not the damage that I want to do So that's just stand looks pretty Oh Ah Fingents it's it's pretty because it's black and yellow My house colors but I'm like no it'll just appear because it is enormous Uh I think maybe it should be used for something like this thing or what not What is that? But no Fair fair enough Gotcha Who would play you in a movie based on your life and what is the title of the movie Let me let me think here um Who would play me I would have pre-lip teeper I think she would be kind of cool um the name of Oh And the name of it it would have to be something Some life the life or the memoirs of panda Something like that yeah Of my dream in this lifestyle Definitely something like the memoirs of panda Because there are some stories that I have but I'm like Only in this community could this happen Fair all right final two questions final two all right So my favorite question what's your favorite swear word my favorite swear word Yep It's hot Oh, it's very versatile All right and final question A mad scientist is performing experiments on you and he's going to make one condiment come out of your belly button for the rest of your life What condiment do you want it to be I know there may be oh man Um Well mustard I put mustard on everything almost And not just a regular plain yellow mustard Fair enough that works Yeah It's definitely one that people aren't prepared for Go figure I don't use soy sauce and everything It's mustard So if somebody wants to contact you or follow you on social media how do they do that? Um, so my facebook is master's devised panda Um the v is capital and civage Um, it's the same on Bet And on instagram And my email is house of gif b-i-f at gmail.com or lady civage and it at gmail.com And And I will put links to those in the show notes Thank you But thank you for coming on the show you've been a great guest talking to us about switching side switching lanes. I'm sorry Uh for our listeners upcoming synagogue classes in person and virtual include uh quills, guasha and cell popping Body drumming and later this year electro play for the be the difference much Yeah For more information on those classes check our website Uh, but that is it that's our show Say goodnight little bit goodnight little bit[BLANK_AUDIO]