Ep24 - "D-pressed And Still In Charge" with JimJam

Ep24 - "D-pressed And Still In Charge" with JimJam

The power received from the left side of the slash can be addicting. Can I handle that? Am I worthy of their submission? Where do I start? Let's talk about the before and after of beginning dynamics from the left side of the slash and how depressed, anxious, and unsure can still give structure, discipline, and control.

JimJam started in kink around 2017. After attending his first leather convention, finding cigars, blood, and all the fun sadistic things in between, he began to branch out and learn all he could. His current focus is growth and education, challenging the stigmas within communities. 

• Fetlife.com/JimJamOfAllTrade

Welcome to the SINagogue. they call me the Rabbi. I put the SIN in SINagoguge.and am a cisgender, ambimorous, gynesexual, sadistic bratty daddy-dom. Sex therapist by day and a kink educator by night, I help people make their kink a religious experience. I am a mental health professional, this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a replacement for therapy. Seek out the assistance of a trained professional for help with your situation.  

Reminder, we try to make our content as inclusive as possible regardless of gender, orientation, role in the lifestyle, etc., but we do inherently speak from our own point of view. We want to learn from our mistakes. If you feel like we said something offensive, let us know. Reach out via our website or call us at 469-269-0403.

Today’s show was brought to you in part by the letters S and M, and the Number 69. 

*San Dimas High School Football Rules*

Chapters

• 1:30 Introductions
• 7:39 Am I Worthy
• 19:18 Tough Love
• 47:52 Inside The Kinkster's Studio

Transcript

1:14

Posting with me today is my partner, my ADHD squirrel wrangler, my submissive, my brat, my little, my pony, or just my little pony. The haul to my oats. Little bit. This is episode number 24 with us today is Jim Jam to talk to us about D-Prest and in charge. D-Prest and it's still in charge. The power received from the left side of the slash can be addicting. Can I handle that? Am I worthy of their submission? Where to start? Let's talk about the before and after of beginning dynamics from the left side of the slash and how depressed, anxious, and unsure can still give structure, discipline, and control. But first, a word from our sponsor. Jim Jam started in Kankaroud in 2017 after attending his first leather convention. Finding cigars, blood, and all the fun, sadistic things in between. He started to branch out and learn all he could. His current focus is growth and education, challenging the stig moths within communities. Thank you for being here in the synagogue. Let's talk about D-Prest and in charge. Welcome. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Let's talk about D-Prest and in charge. What does that mean to you? A lot of what that means is really just understanding that you can still be dominant and you can still be the left side in a power exchange while having various forms of mental issues, mental health issues, various flavors of narrow spiciness. I personally have depression and ADHD and I have still been able to hold dynamics in the past and have definitely learned a lot. I've gotten grown a lot from what I've learned and kind of built from there. There are definitely a few things that I learned, went over, and kind of better understood about myself over the last three dynamics that I've had. Kind of starting out in my previous dynamics, I kind of didn't really know what I was doing, especially being newer to Kink and dynamics itself. I had to kind of go off of what I could learn in various forms of media, podcasts, books, things like that. A lot of it had that, "Domly Dom" hard vibe to it. I tried to be that and it definitely didn't go well. It definitely ended in problems and ended in really me being exhausted because I couldn't put on that mask for so long. At certain points, I would give protocols or I would want to have this list of things that we're going to do. My S-type is going to do those things and it's going to be great. I slowly realized that I had to also be making sure that those were being done and I had to put in just as much effort into making sure that these protocols got completed and these rules were followed. Having ADHD, I forgot a lot of the time and that definitely caused its own form of issues and caused its own form of problems in the dynamics itself. I had to do a lot of introspection and a lot of thinking of, "Okay, well, what are maybe some things that I can build into a dynamic or what are some things that I can talk about that will help me in my day to day life, will help me during my low depression days or will help me with forgetting these protocols." That has been a lot of work and a lot of introspection. Sure. I think there is this idea out there that to admit weakness is not a dumb thing and admitting your depression very much is admitting weakness. How do you address that? I definitely have my own issues with that. Having any sort of weakness is not, doesn't make you less than. It doesn't make you less worthy to the person who chooses to call you a dominant, who chooses to submit to you. You can still have those low days and it be okay. You can still have those low days and it not mean that you are less than or mean that you are weaker or are not worthy of being the title that you are given. Sure. I mean, I'll do my personal disclosure here besides being a mental health professional. Yes, I have diagnosed ADHD, diagnosed CPTSD and I thought I had depression. I clicked up until about two months ago when it came back quite unexpectedly. It then started coming back really hard yesterday so this could not be better timed or worst timed whichever you want to view that as. So yeah, I'm there right now. Absolutely. That's definitely something that can be difficult to admit and also be difficult to deal with. I know that especially during my lows, I would definitely question if I was worthy of being a dominant, if I was actually somebody who should be submitted to or who should be given that power and there were definitely days where I didn't feel like making a decision. I didn't feel like getting out of bed. So how like I can barely make decisions for myself, how am I supposed to make decisions and be hold power over someone else and a lot of those times it was my S types who would say no, I still choose this. I am still here for you and it may look different in those times. It may be on those days where I can't decide where to eat. They give me three choices and then I can pick one. Or they give me five, I give them three, they pick one on days where I can't get out of bed or I haven't taken a shower in a week. They come to me and give me kind of the tough love that I need and say no, get up out of bed, get in the shower. Do take care of yourself. It's the tough love, it's the making sure that they are taking care of me in that way. If they have to be a little bit tough about it, that is okay. That helps me to kind of get out of that fungal a little bit sometimes. So it sounds very much something I say a lot is there is no act that is inherently dominant or inherently submissive while they may be the ones wrlying you out of bed that is still a submissive act in this context. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. They are serving me by making sure that I am taking care of myself in order for me to then be able to take care of us and our dynamic. Okay. I mean, I can understand how certain people may not understand that or comprehend it, but I definitely do. That is something we do a lot in our darkness as far as ADHDOs. Okay, that is all the entire power exchanges you manage my ADHD. I love it. Thank you for being honest. Doing a little lot is everything. Absolutely. And one of the biggest things that I had trouble with was honestly maintaining certain protocols. There was a point where I had a submissive who I was like, yes, I want you to write about your day. And in the morning, I will get up. I will read it. I will respond to it. It will be connective and it will be great. And that lasted for about a week. And then I forgot to respond. And then it kind of just didn't work. So it definitely takes a lot to figure out what maybe protocols work for you in your style of ADHD that you can remember that you can follow through with in the same route with rules and for me as well, I have a lot of trouble just keeping my calendar and having somebody to even just text randomly as a thought comes up, hey, this thing needs to happen this day or hey, put this on the list. It helps me to kind of just have, I guess in my own way, a secretary to put all of my thoughts together. Sure. So when you're having a depressive episode, how do you challenge those negative thoughts that you're not a good dominant, that you're not worthy of someone? So I do a little bit of challenging that in truly just asking for that affirmation from my submissive at the time. I can say, hey, I am having a low and these are what my brainworms are telling me. And I need to know like, what is it? I need affirmation that this is something you still want and that may be in a matter of, hey, can you kneel for me? Hey, can you do this submissive act for me? And in doing so, that is reaffirming that you want to still do this with me. Being able to, for me being able to say, please, and thank you and be courteous with it is also its own way of validating for me in that I can be nice about it, but it also is something that is wanted. And it makes it easier for me to better understand that they want to be here, that they want to be by my side or at my feet or where they sit. That's a lot of the ways I challenge it is really just asking for the outside help and the outside validation. You have any teens, rituals, protocols, acts of service that are only called upon when you are feeling? I wouldn't say that are only called upon when I am feeling more depressed, but it is more making sure certain things are done so that I can maintain at least some form of routine to build me, to kind of get me through the low slump. I usually have a couple days where I want to lay in bed, I want to sleep, I want to do very little. And so having and making sure that I have food, that I have medication and that I am at least taking care of myself with a shower and that type of thing, making sure those things are done really helped to put normalcy back in even though I am having the low. In a similar way, helping me maintain with certain things like grooming, making sure that I go get my haircut and it is not terribly long or same with my beard. Just generally making sure that I am doing what I can to take care of myself and especially during those low times, making sure that the routine is maintained instead of just allowing me to lay in bed and be a whole, crawling a hole and sit there for a while. This sounds also like you may also sit with it just a little bit of okay in my N-A, in a low episode, in if I am okay, how do I navigate it? Still be like, how do I also ask my S types to support me so that way I can... Yes, it does usually take me about a day or so to realize that I am in kind of that lower mood and usually during that day I am either more tired or a little more snippy and once I realize I think, oh, this is probably what is going on and that is where I say, hey, this is what is going on. I am in a low just so you know, we are going into this area and it is going to be a few days and I will come out of it but yeah, I may be asking for more affirmation or getting more clarification on some things or maybe having harder times choosing but definitely communicating and letting them know that this is kind of the direction things are heading at least for the next few days. It would also be after that communication of like, okay, you know, you're S types of, I might not be explicitly asking or telling you giving you more direct directions as I navigate this stuff. Absolutely, yeah, definitely saying yes, I may not be able to be as in control during these times. I may not be able to make the decisions in these times as easily but there is also an expectation that they can decide for themselves and they can take care of themselves and it is not a constant need for me beforehand and that way there is some that self sustainability so that it is doable. So metaphorically take the reins but it is still my horses? Yes, I can also liken it to giving a command of take the reins. It can still be service and it can still be submission if I am telling you to make the decisions and if I am telling you to lead for a little bit. So you don't have any special routines, protocols, whatever for when you're feeling down, do you relax? How about those though when you're feeling down? I definitely would relax some, yes. I kind of have the expectation of it is not, I'm not going to be able to make sure that maybe certain protocols are fully followed or make sure that certain rules are fully adhered to in those times because I'm trying to focus on just getting through that low and it might be a thing of, okay, yes, things kind of loosen up and aren't necessarily as, let's say put together, I won't want to say as strict because I also am not someone who is very strict on things like that but I also, once coming out of it, can recognize that the work that they've put in to making sure that things are okay. And in that same vein, I can then praise them and give them thanks and show them gratification or gratitude for the work that they have done. It might just be delayed from the moment of. I would have to imagine that if they still went forward with the protocols, even if you weren't forcing them, that would be some affirmation to combat those negative thoughts that weren't a good dominant. Yeah? Absolutely, yeah, that would, that always helps knowing that they want to continue with the protocols and continue with the actions that are already set in place, having that routine and maintaining that routine and seeing that they want to maintain that routine is absolutely helps. With that validation. Does it require a different approach if it's a longer depression? I mean, I've had depressive episodes many, many years ago that lasted for years but let's just say a month or two or three. I think there's definitely a point where if the depressive episodes are lasting for a longer point, especially for me and in my situations, I would expect at least a little bit more of the, I call it tough love in its own way, but just making sure I am taken care of myself in order to kind of hopefully come out of. If it's becoming a longer scenario, then the question becomes, are my medication, is my medication working correctly? Am I, am I taking it correctly? What are some things that are, that are changing that I need to look at more? Do I need to go ahead and schedule a doctor's appointment and get in with that? Am I consistently going to therapy? What are some ways that I can work to come out of this slump? And if it is something that is consistently low and I do not feel like I can personally consistently, let's say, maintain a dynamic with someone, then it may be, or they feel like they are not receiving what they need in the dynamic, then I think that would be a point where let's have a conversation about what we need to do moving forward. Do we want to continue this until things get better or do we want to maybe see about a pause or a alteration of whatever these protocols or rules are that we have already? What are some ways that we can make this easier and is this the cause of maybe some of the stress that are causing this longer term depression? Because that is also an option. What are you, where is power exchange and making somebody else responsible for? I think that I am always going to be responsible for my mental health. It is more, I think the power exchange is just helping me to maintain the routine that I have in order to mitigate the mental health that I experience in order to mitigate the fluctuations that I can have. I mean, I didn't think of this when I was asking the question, but definitely popped into my head afterwards. There is something I tell my clients who are in a relationship with somebody who is not mentally well, regardless of what that diagnosis is. You love them, so accommodate them, but don't adapt to their illness. Don't put yourself into pain for their mental illness, but if you can make small changes that aren't a big deal and help them out by all means, do that. Absolutely. I completely agree with that. If somebody is changing completely for me or is making themselves uncomfortable to consistently uncomfortable to better me and better my life, that doesn't sit well with me because as well as a dety part of that is making sure that my S type is also taken care of and is also being the best that they can be. And so if they are hurting themselves for me in certain ways, in ways that I don't necessarily agree to, then something has to change. Finding ways that you can, yes, adapt to instead of accommodating. So what advice would you give to an S type to help their depressed D type? The biggest thing, and I know it's talked about a lot, and the kind of obvious answer is just to communicate as hopefully at least the D type is going to know what they will need in those times, definitely talking about it, not during a, say, depressive episode or say any sort of time like that, but even beforehand and say, hey, if this is happening, what is it that you need or what are things that I can do to help? And can you do those things? Does that make sense for you as an S type to do those? If not, then again, how can you adapt and maintain the dynamic while those situations are happening? Say in a different case instead of depression, say for the case of just ADHD, that's kind of a consistent thing. So as an S type, what can you do to help that? And is there going to be issues if protocols are forgotten or if things are forgotten? And if that's the case, then how can you either give them reminders or how can you make it all kind of adapt and work for both of you? For me, in forgetting protocols very easily sometimes and forgetting to keep up with things, sometimes. I know that for an S type, it can be frustrating to consistently then say, hey, I did this protocol. Hey, by the way, I did this and giving updates. So maybe there's something that can be done kind of in a middle ground. Maybe there's a whiteboard on the refrigerator that you can have a list of the protocols and you check them off as you go through them. And that way it can still be seen and it's something that gets walked past every day. There can be a lot of different ways to make sure that you're both getting fulfilled in the dynamic while being aware and cognizant of the differences you have in mental abilities. I mean, I would definitely add to that, like you do with aftercare when the depressive episode is over, okay, how did that go? What can be done better? What went well? What didn't go? Absolutely. Yeah, having a sit down afterwards and saying, hey, was this good? Is this what you did this help at all? If it didn't, what could have helped? What could have been done better? What did you like? What did you like? Absolutely. Okay. So, do you have any suggestions for people like me who the first sign of depression is their communication goes to shit? I mean, the biggest thing is if you know that that's going to happen, then make sure it is known before it happens. Make sure it is something that is talked about beforehand and that you have some sort of either a game plan or a no. And knowing that kind of going in, I think is the biggest part. And that is also going to take a bit of introspection, especially on the deep side of, okay, I know I get these lows. What is it that I need? How can I, how do I take care of myself without a dynamic, without a submissive? And what are ways that I have to take care of myself and then consider what are ways that an S type can come in and help me with those and make it easier to make sure that I'm, I'm in a good space and make sure that I'm safe. That sounds very much like, you know, a lot of self awareness, how you navigate mental health, mental health, mental illness, lows, any of that, be very self aware before, how does, how does somebody else help me in addition of additional. Absolutely. And I think that especially kind of looking at having a dynamic and coming into a dynamic as a detail, also knowing what it is you need, not only what is you need and what you want out of the dynamic to help benefit your life, but what is it that you can give in the same scenarios. And that definitely does take a lot of introspection and a lot of your own self work of what is that I need? How can I exist without this before adding in a dynamic to improve your life or to benefit your life or to fulfill without part of you? I don't think that it is a need necessarily coming into a dynamic, but I definitely think that it is something that needs to be consistently worked on if you are say in a dynamic and don't have these questions answered, it might be good to answer them just in case. Look, it also be safe if you are aware that you are able to do anything to help you through because of how you established your own routine, your own thing, that is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is also one of those things that you communicated of, hey, for the next week and a half or so, I am probably going to be a jerk, but I have a routine that I am going to go through and this is going to help me kind of go through this stuff. I don't need your assistance with it because I have to do this this way and it could throw off team and cause things to go on. So for those who have that type of routine to navigate through? Absolutely, yes. Being able to definitely say, oh, okay, look, I have a routine. I know that, yes, this is about how long it is going to last. I am going to let you know when it starts and this is what I am going to be doing, definitely making sure that that is communicated because if you say your routine is, hey, I am going to go dark and not really communicate very much for the next two days. So where we normally maybe text most of the day or we talk most of the day, I may not be doing that. I may send one or two messages a day, but that doesn't mean that I am trying to run away from you. It doesn't mean that I am trying to create distance from you. It just means that I need to focus on my routine and my getting back to a spot where I can be more in focus with this and definitely giving at least that reassurance of this is what I need to do in order to get through this. And it's not a slight or a front or an attack on you or our dynamic. It is about making sure that I am the best person I can be for the dynamic. Yes, absolutely. I mean, sometimes not me, but if you just know you're going to be an asshole for the next week because you're depressed, stay the fuck away from me. Because I don't want to have to apologize for all the crappy things I do. Absolutely. Yeah. I don't necessarily have that a lot of the time either, but I know that I can be a little bit more busy. I can be a little bit more easily offended during my lows. And even if it's not, I'm going to get, I'm going to be a jerk. It might be, hey, I'm going to get my feelings hurt. And then we're going to have this whole long conversation. And really, you may be just making a joke or something, but it's going to suck for me. Where if you would have said that three days ago, I would have laughed at you and it would have been fine. And one thing I did figure out for myself during this most recent bout of depression form, while my communication goes to shit, I do have two minute windows where I'm fine. And then I'll send off a text saying, I am not doing well right now. Dear, I just need you to be aware, something along those lines. And I think that's helped you out. Yeah, sometimes that helps me out. Sometimes it's always a helpful in that, because of timing to be like, hey, I'm telling you this in the middle of the workday, especially if it comes across of, okay, fix it. That as an S type doesn't necessarily help on any account of, hey, I'm going to shoot you off a text that my mental health is bad. Okay, active. And just general advice for anybody who has any sort of, so difficulties with depression, anxiety, anything like that. Have your partner turn off their read receipts? Yeah, because of the analyzing stuff like that is definitely not a good or low mental health spot. What? Over analyzing that creates unnecessary issues. Yeah, I went through the whole gamut of emotions the other day, because it took her four minutes from the time she read it till she responded. While I was at work. Yeah, and that was not at all on you. That was all on me. And as soon as you replied, I said, by the way, can you turn off your read receipts, please? Yeah, you said only took me for it. I know. So that's a whole nother thing, but still it creates unnecessary issues and it creates different things, especially when the person is low. And then if you are feeling low, you can create your own spiral of thing. Absolutely. That is actually a really good suggestion of turning off the read receipts. I hadn't thought about that and I'm definitely going to add that to a list for me because I have definitely experienced a full multiple times over types of emotions just because I sent a message and it was read, but not responded too quickly enough or I would send something and I would see the little dots of their typing. That also gives me anxiety at times. One thing I would also suggest as well would be in if you are saying to your SIP, hey, I am in a low, today is going to suck that kind of thing, whatever it is. If the inclination is or does feel like, hey, fix it, a response could be something like how can I help that or do you need me to help that or what are you looking for in the moment here? Is it just acknowledgement that this is going to suck and okay, I'm here or is it a, okay, let me offer suggestions of how we can move forward and make this easier? So if it's not too personal of a question, what kind of things are on your list for your S type to help you with do for you, etc? No, let's find out. A lot of it is make sure I have my meds, make sure I'm taking them at a consistent time because I very, very easily forget to take meds, making sure that I am eating but eating actually good meals instead of checking nuggets every night instead of something easy and quick, making sure that I have enough water and I'm getting enough sleep. Those are kind of the big things for me. If a lot of the time I want to come home, I want to take a nap and just kind of exist for a little bit and them being okay with that, being okay with, okay, cool, that's what you're going to do. I'm going to make sure that the apartment is taken care of and things are taken care of so that there doesn't have to be any extra weight added onto this for the next day or two. I'm going inward. Why are you going inward? Because I'm not sure what I said that was. Stop going inward. I'm just going to stop right there. Stop going inward on you. As I said, I am. As I said, I am. A therapy session in the middle of our podcast of, you know, you didn't explicitly say fix it. It was how I know you and how you're telling a voices and how you write things out. Okay. That comes across as fix it when it comes to certain things. Well, discuss it later. I'm sure. As I said, I am, no, I am going into one, into a depressive episode and I, you know, as mental health professional as a human being, I have no problem sharing that right now because there's nothing to be ashamed of and we should normalize that type of conversation. Sure. And at the same time, I'm also going to recommend that for anybody who does have their own therapist. It doesn't matter if you are an S type. And you've been requested to kind of assist. Sometimes it is okay to say go see your therapist an extra time or two to help you navigate through this as well. Yes. Sorry. We still have you. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry. No, you're fine. I definitely appreciate hearing this kind of, this side of things as well because this is also part of it like saying, okay, hey, I'm kind of going in where I'm thinking about these things now and I'm struggling with that. And you saying, okay, like we'll put a pause on this and we'll bring it up later, but that's definitely, I think it's a wonderful way of moving forward with it and having that conversation. Sure. I mean, especially as, you know, if you are aware of either extra things such as other health things going on or for either of you additional work stresses or anything like that, I mean, you know, it is okay to just definitely put a pin in it for you know, a little bit to try to navigate through because as somebody, as an additional health person, you're trying to navigate when somebody in the lows can sometime create further lows and be resentments or pay you through me farther into a lower state. And then you start going through the over-analysation and everything like that. However, at the same time, if the detype person is not taking care of themselves and doing their end of things, then it is also one of those really hard things as an S type to be like, okay, I'm going to try to help you to navigate it, but I still need you to be a grown adult and own your own shit to help navigate it through. And if I don't have the spoons as things to be able to make it through when the low is still happening, you may not have an option, especially if it's been going on for longer than a week. Absolutely. That can that can always be hard. Of course. Sorry, my little ramble on, you know, a lot of things. I know I just said it's okay, but that's the same token from a perspective. If the S type says, hey, I don't have the spoons for whatever is S type also has their own, then kind of that way. So I definitely think that then you definitely want to sit down and have those conversations. You want to sit and say, okay, well, that's fine. That's part of the, why I view it as so important to already kind of know what you need as, say, even the D type or the S type of what you need and how you can take care of yourself without. So that in those cases, you can say, okay, that's fine. That's, you know, we can either pause or we can come together as equals and talk about, okay, what needs to be reduced for a little while until we can get back into, say, a, quote, unquote, normal, what that looks like. Because yes, if both sides are having their own issues and are unable to take care of the other for various reasons, that's still okay. As long as it's talked about as long as you sit down and say, okay, well, then how can we make sure that we are doing the best for ourselves and making sure that we are taking care of ourselves so that we can later come back to the dynamic and make sure that it is continuing and it is strong and it is productive for both of us. If a dynamic is not productive for either side, then it's not going to, it's going to be very difficult to keep that going. Gotcha. Sometimes you have to put the dynamic on pause for mental health reasons. Absolutely. I, as much as I love the idea of a 24/7 dynamic all the time, 100% whatever that isn't super realistic for me at least in my opinion. I mean, if I'm at my job, I can't necessarily always be the detype. I have to work. I have to do other things. I'm also poly if I'm with other partners or they're with other partners. Does my dynamic go into their relationships? Does my meta or their partners are agreeing to that? To me, it gets a little bit muddy and it makes it a little bit difficult. So what would you say is the biggest challenge? The biggest challenge is the, what I call them brainworms that come in. It's the negative thoughts that I'm not good enough that I'm not worthy, that they're just here because I don't know why they're here and that I'm just being a burden. Dealing with those thoughts and consistently having to challenge those thoughts. Similarly, I present and talk about different subjects and having those thoughts even come in and needing that reassurance from somebody that, yeah, I'm... I am knowledgeable enough to teach. I'm knowledgeable enough to go up in front of people and talk about these things and that there is somebody who will stand beside me and follow me into the anxiety that I get. That's a lot of the heart points is really just consistently almost needing that affirmation that I am good enough and that I am worthy of being served by someone. Okay, well before we transition into the part of the show that we like to call inside the Kingster studio, is there anything else you think we need to know about this topic? Maybe I think there are a few things. Part of how I view at least power exchange and in my way a dynamic is essentially the S-Ipe giving is giving that power to the D-type. But what I like to do is kind of take that and put it to the side and not add it to my own power so that I'm not gaining power if that makes sense. And that way if something needs to happen, if a conversation needs to happen like during a depressive episode or just say at any point we need to do a check-in, that power can easily be returned and we can come to it as equals to talk about our dynamic and to make sure that things are good. Maybe a lot of the time, sorry, going back to the 24/7 art and my issues with that sometimes especially with ADHD, my mind doesn't really focus on the dynamic all the time and so things that can help or things that pull me back into that headspace, one of the more common things being kneeling. But if there is some other act that can be done that shows that the S-type is coming to me in that mindset and is wanting to focus in on that, it can really pull me into not only reinforcing that they want the dynamic but making sure that I am also focused on that aspect of it in the moment. Okay, well on a completely different note. Oh yeah, absolutely. We've now reached the part of the show that we'd like to call inside the Kinkster studio. This is the part of the show where we get to know you a little bit better in our own fun, irreverent, silly way sometimes. Are you game? Let's go. Oh, I get to be at first. Yeah. Wow, yay! We usually go first. Not a waste. That's your favorite toy in your toy bag. Ooh, okay. So in my toy bag, my two options are either my knives or my whips. But I also really like my hands but they don't really fit my toy bag. And why? For me, the knives create a good fun bit of fear and precision that I really enjoy. And specifically for my hands, I can feel what's going on a little bit more and I feel like the energy is a lot more palpable in that way. Okay. If animals could talk, what species do you think would be the rudest? Probably cats. They're already kind of assholes and they don't even speak. Now we have a few. And yeah, now they are so our vocalized and of them are complete jerks. Yeah. And they have this nice tendency to go, oh, microphones are out and headphones are on. Now I need attention. You hope? Yeah. That's I got scratch of attention tonight. If you are willing to share, what is your origin story into the Kinkin Lotha community? Yeah, my origin story was kind of late, ultimately coming in, which was around 2017. I had a partner who said, hey, you seem to be into some things that are a little bit more on the Kink side of things. How about you go to this much? Check it out. I was like, okay, I don't know what that is, but I'll go. And I went immediately clicked with everybody there. Had a really great time. And from there it was going to classes, going to house parties until I finally went to my first convention about six or so months after I'd gotten to the community. And it was my first letter, con. And first class was on cigars and cigar play and immediately fell in love. Yeah, I really haven't looked back since. Thank you. If you had to eat a crayon, what color would you choose? Probably. I probably green. Why? I mean, I think that has the option for a variety of flavors. Actually, I was totally and completely waiting for you to say, dude, it's people. So that is so really green. Not green. Yes. Yes, but you know, what's the best Kinket? Do you ever received? I've ever received would be everything's made up and the points don't matter. We're all here to have fun. And I would say that or if you're not leaving play with your dick harder, you're pussy wet, you're doing something wrong. What is the worst? What is the worst fashion decision you've ever made? Oh gosh. I had in high school a, it was like a cowboy duster that I wore to school for a while and it didn't work for me. In what years were you in high school? Because that makes it different. 2000. I graduated in 2009. So. Yeah. I was in 2005, 2009. It definitely did not. It was I was trying to be, you know, the emo kid or whatever, but it just didn't look good. There. Well, it paper rolling for her under. Always over. I'm always surprised how passionate people are about that answer. It's never thinking about it. It was always. No, here's my answer. I can understand the argument for under for say like having cats, but at the same time, I, I'm efficient. I need to get it out quick. Like over the only way to go for me. Really hate when I'm someplace and like, yeah, roll the toilet paper, roll around. Nothing has come apart to be able to be like, are you sitting on the other way because it's annoying and nothing happens and you're like, that hell and any, no, it's already been like it, it's not that the toilet paper is stuck to each other type thing. It's just like it's not a new role. It's that type thing and it's just like where the hell that is and this is not cool. And I really start to take part this day. I'm going to get to the toilet first world. Yes. Yes, that is always a tough situation. Due to a mad scientist experiment starting tomorrow, you are going to have a condiment come out of your belly button, but you get to choose the condiment, which one are you thinking? Is this I get to have it come out at will or is it just a constant leakage? At will. We'll go. We'll go. It will. Hots off, Buffalo sauce. But it changed your answer if it was a leakage? Yes it would. I don't know what to, but maybe, maybe mustard if that was the case. What is the strangest purchase you have ever made? That is a good question. I think the strain, okay, so the strangest purchase, let's say I've made recently was a fun little toy project that I am working on where I'm taking acupressure discs and I'm gluing them to bra inserts for fun pain reasons. And so buying that in combination was a little strange. Cash, you give you a funny look? A little bit, yeah. What is a random bit of knowledge that you know that you're fairly certain you wouldn't ever get to talk about ever? Sure. Something that I've always enjoyed a fun fact at least. My background is in science and biochemistry and I have always been fascinated with the fact that in each of your cells, there is about six feet of DNA in each one. And that's always fascinated me. The things that we learn. Absolutely. What was your first ever screen name or email address that you picked for yourself and why did you pick it? So, oh gosh. Okay, so it was a precursor to my current name, Jim Jam. It was Jim was here and I picked it because I was using it for my gamer tag forever. And the fun story was how it was written out. I had somebody be really confused and thought that my name was Jim Washer E for some reason. So it eventually evolved to that for a little while before it became what it is now. But yeah, Jim was here was was my original kind of name from way back. Gotcha. Jim Washer E. That sounds like the kind of mistake I would make though. So you now get entrance moved. eloquently point. You know, WWE style, reference music complete with pyros and all of the things. So you get it to your own new entrance music when going into a dungeon. I need to look up the artist for that. Okay. So there's a song that I've really liked for a while and thought about. It's a song called Play With Fire by Sam Tinez. I believe that's the one. Yes, a fairly nice beat and has just a general concept of playing with fire, which I'm a bit of a firebug as well. Gotcha. Okay, refers to no card. You get to ask us one question, but the catch is nobody can have asked us that question already. Hmm. Okay. One is one book or a piece of media that you would suggest to someone who is not kinky and not poly that you think would benefit their life, but that is kink or poly focused. That's easy for me. The movie Professor Marsden and the Wonder Women love that movie. I was at this moment, oh god, I have to think. But then there's the poster right there on the wall that I'm looking at. It's like, oh no, just kidding. I don't have to think. There's the poster right there to give me an answer. And here I would have thought that you would have picked one of the books that you've recommended to other new therapists that haven't came into... Well, I opened up Amazon on my iPad to try to remember a name and then I saw the poster went never mind. Don't need to go through all that. I'm really curious. I thought you had recommended what was it, poly. I know. I've got new several. They're on your bookcase. The emotions of normal people? Yeah, there's that too. Which was written by... Yeah, that was one of the ones. But I'm also... There's also a good book out there when someone you love is kinky. Oh, right, that's the other ones that... Yeah. All right, final two questions. Are two favorite questions. What's your favorite curse word? Cunt. Wow! The others! But you are the second person to actually use that, I do believe, concordations. It's great. I'm short, and heavy, and you know... And then my favorite question to ask to close out the show, if you had to have sex with a muppet, which muppet would it be? Why? I mean, I feel like at least for me the obvious answer is Ms. Piggy, because she's nasty. Yeah. She's got a little bit of kinky in her, so definitely got to go her. Okay. If somebody wants to contact you or follow you on social media, how do they do that? Yeah. So, contacting me and on social media, I'm on FET as Jim Jam of all trade. It would be Jim Jam of all trades, but that is too long for FET, apparently. So no S there. And then if you want to email me, Jim Jam of all trades at Gmail, and I'm always happy to answer questions, happy to talk about anything. Yeah. Links to that in the show notes. But thank you for coming on the show. Yeah. You've been a great guest. I think the topic of the depressed dominant is a very important topic, very unfortunately a taboo topic, but that's all the more reason that I wanted to have it on this show. Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you. You're very welcome. For listeners, upcoming synagogue in person in virtual classes, Electric Mayhem, one in two, within without the Violet Wand, body drumming, variety datties, and more. I'll list it on our website. Check it out for the details, but that is it. That's our show. Say goodnight, little bit. Goodnight, little bit.